STRANGE BEDFELLOWS
The
middle-aged man was looking for love as he strolled along the dark, nearly
deserted streets of
“Aw,
but I’m in the mood to buy. How much?”
“Look,
mister, not tonight. I’m tired.”
He
grabbed her and tried to kiss her. “Mmm,
don’t you feel nice?”
She
tried to break free. “Let me go!”
“Whatsamatter, sugar?
Playing hard to get?” Holding her
tightly, he fondled her.
“Please,
leave me alone!”
“I
can’t. Your body’s calling too loud to
ignore.”
Seemingly from out of nowhere, Catwoman leaped to the ground
behind
The
man took one look at her tight leather outfit and the whip coiled in her hand
and released
“Get
lost, creep, before I do some damage.”
“I
love it when you talk dirty.”
She
cracked her whip and sliced through the right arm of his coat, drawing blood.
Cursing,
he shouted, “Are you crazy?”
“Go
away, or I’ll have to do that again.”
He
didn’t move.
She
recoiled the whip for another strike.
“Okay,
okay, I’m moving!” He glared at her as
he walked off. “What a psycho!”
“Who
are you?”
“Catwoman.” She
touched
“Yeah,”
the girl sniffed.
“Runaway?”
“How old?”
“Sixteen.”
“Can’t
go home?”
“My
dad would beat the crap out of me, just like he does Momma.”
“How
long have you been in
“A couple of weeks.”
“Been
turning tricks?”
“But
this place feels better than home?”
“Yeah. Sorta.”
“Listen,
I know where there’s help. Go to the
Women’s Haven on Avenue J. They’ll give
you a bed and a warm meal and talk about your options.”
“I
don’t have money for a cab.”
“If
you tell the driver you want to go to the Haven, he’ll take you there, no
charge. It’s what passes for a code of
ethics around here.”
“How
do I get to Avenue J?”
“Just
walk north until you hit
A
glimmer of hope rose in
No reply.
“Catwoman?”
Now
in an alley a block away, Catwoman heard cheers and some polite applause. She turned to see the regular streetwalkers
waving.
“Nice
move you put on that jerk,” one said.
“Pollyanna
doesn’t belong here. She’ll be eaten alive.
Hope you told her to go back home,” another added cynically.
Feeling
uncomfortable, she gestured for them to stop.
“Girls, I’m just doing my job.
It’d be a lot easier if there weren’t so many of you to look after. Hint, hint.”
A
redhead said, “We’re just doing our jobs, too.”
“Deep
inside, I think you all know this isn’t the best way to spend your lives, but
you have your reasons. I’d like to see
every one of you empowered, with decent jobs.
I’ll watch out for you when I can.
But I won’t stop hoping you’ll find a better life.”
The
redhead patted her on the shoulder. “We
can take care of ourselves. It’s ones
like that teenybopper who you really need to help.”
Catwoman
nodded sadly. “A Cat’s work is never
done.”
Later,
she foiled a mugging and saved an elderly lady outside an all-night convenience
store. The woman had gone out to buy
milk for her cat.
Leaving
just before the police showed up, she cut through a vacant lot and decided to
head home.
The
lights of a green sedan parked on the street behind the lot came on. As she got closer, she noticed a man with a
walking stick standing beside the car.
Dressed in a green suit and black eye mask, he tipped his green derby to
her.
She
stopped and rested her hands on her hips.
“Well, if it isn’t the overgrown leprechaun himself.”
The
Riddler twirled his stick. “I’ve been
following your activities tonight. I
must say, you are one busy cat. Great takedown on the thug at the store. Very professional.”
“Flattery
will get you nowhere.”
“Here’s
a riddle. What’s black and has nine
lives and two personalities?”
She
thought it over for a moment, actually intrigued by the question. “A cat with schizophrenia?”
He
chuckled. “That’s good. However, the answer I had in mind is you.”
“Me?”
“Oh,
come now. You know what I mean. Congratulations on your engagement, by the
way.”
“What
are you talking about?”
“You
needn’t play dumb with me, Selina. I
know Bruce Wayne is Batman. Bruce Wayne
is marrying Selina Kyle. Batman and
Catwoman have been working together.
Therefore, Selina Kyle must be Catwoman, no?”
She
felt anxious. “Is this an attempt at
blackmail?”
“Blackmail?”
he laughed. “No,
nothing of the sort. As Batman
himself once said, ‘What fun is a riddle where everyone knows the answer?’ Your secrets are safe with me, dear Cat.”
“I
have things to do, so I’ll be going now.
Nice chatting with you, Riddler.”
“Don’t
rush off just yet.” He pointed his stick
in her face. “As I said, I’ve been
following you. Now, I’ve found you.”
“You
want a merit badge for tracking?”
“Please,
cut the sarcasm. I’ve been seeking you
because, to be quite frank, I need your help.”
She
laughed out loud.
“You need my help? What on earth makes you think I’d even help
you cross the street?”
“Your desire to stay alive.”
She
extended her claws and assumed an attack stance. “Don’t threaten me, Riddler. I will slice you like a loaf of bread.”
He
wiggled his hand. “Please, put your
talons back in. I want your help. Why would I threaten you?”
She
relaxed. “Bottom line, I don’t trust
you.”
“So
don’t trust me. Just hear me. I’ve got a rather
thorny problem on my hands. I want to
meet with Batman, but he’d probably rebuff me if I came straight to him. So I’d like you to be my intermediary.”
“Why
should I? It’s your problem. Fix it yourself.”
“It’s
not just my problem. It affects all of
“And
what shall I tell Batman the problem is?”
He
sighed. “I’ve had what you might call an
‘employee malfunction.’ My
associates--make that former associates--Quiz
and Query decided to, well, destroy
She
smirked. “This has all the markings of a
trap. Nice try, but no can do.”
“I
assure you, it’s not a trap. I’m
completely sincere. Quiz and Query are plotting to destroy the city. I will meet with Batman at any time and place
of his choice.”
“Riddler,
your stunts are getting lame. Can’t you
come up with something more original?”
“Why
would I ask to meet Batman if I weren’t honest?
Why would I chance being returned to
Arkham? Sometimes, as strange as it
seems, you have to call a truce for the greater good.”
“Sheesh,
listen to you, spouting off like Abe Lincoln.”
“You
need to believe me. If Quiz and Query
succeed, there won’t be a
“He’ll
take more convincing than me.”
“Then
ask him this riddle. What kills if it’s
too high, heals if it’s just right, and passes through you every day?”
She
got up late the next morning. Bruce was
finishing his breakfast when she walked into the kitchen.
“Morning,”
he said with a kiss. “Have a good
night?”
“Sort of. There was this sweet runaway who almost got assaulted. I felt so bad for her. Her family life is the pits, and now she’s
living on the streets. I sent her to the
Women’s Haven. I hope she got there
okay.”
He
noted her wistful look. “You’re not just
out there being Little Miss Independent, are you? This really means something to you.”
“Yeah. It’s like I’m on a mission.
What was that old song, ‘I’ve looked at life from both sides now?’ I just feel so drawn to the hard luck women
in
“I
hope you can tear yourself away for our honeymoon,” he said facetiously. “The wedding’s less than two weeks off.”
“Mmm, darling. Six days in the
“Do
leave the Catsuit at home.”
“Of
course,” she smiled. “Oh, I almost
forgot. I ran into the Riddler, of all
people. Or did he run into me? He followed me the whole evening, then pulled me aside for a strange conversation.”
“How strange?”
“Believe
it or not, he wants Batman’s help. He
was afraid to approach you directly, so he asked me to be his messenger and
tell you he wants to meet.”
“I’m
his enemy. Why would he want my help?”
“All
he said was, two of his former employees are plotting
to destroy
He
shook his head. “Such
an obvious setup. He used to be
much more clever.
Maybe the time in Arkham made him lose his edge.”
“I
thought it was a trap, too, but he insists he’s on the level.”
“No
details?”
“He
told me to give you a riddle. ‘What
kills if it’s too high, heals if it’s just right, and passes through you every
day?’”
He
repeated the riddle and pondered it for a minute.
“Does
that make any sense to you?”
Looking
grim, he answered, “Yes, unfortunately.
I believe he’s referring to radiation.
Now I’m intrigued.”
“Radiation? You mean
like a nuclear bomb?”
“The only weapon powerful enough to destroy a city this size.”
“So
he’s telling the truth?”
“Maybe, maybe not.
But it’s something we can’t ignore.
When and where does he want to have this meeting?”
“He
said any time or place of your choosing.”
“Are
you going out again tonight?”
“I’m
planning to.”
“If
you see him, tell him to come here tomorrow night,
“If
I don’t see him, chances are he’ll find me one way or another.”
A
thick fog shrouded
She
prowled around near the
“Looking
for me?” he asked.
“I
was wondering the same thing.”
“Did
you speak to Batman?”
“Yes. The answer to your riddle is radiation.”
“Very
good! What about the meeting?”
“Tomorrow
night at eight, his place, alone.”
“Thank
you, Catwoman. You may never know how
much you’ve helped
“I
still don’t trust you.”
“You’ve
done what I asked. Leave the trust issue
for Batman to resolve.”
Riddler
arrived at the rear entrance to the Batcave precisely at eight Wednesday
evening.
Bruce sat at a
computer console reading up on atomic weaponry.
“Evening, Mr. Nygma.”
Riddler
smiled and took a chair next to him.
“For my own safety, I won’t be staying long. Thank you for agreeing to meet.”
“It’s
not every day one’s adversary shows up, hat-in-hand.”
“It’s
not every day one’s employees turn the tables and become terrorists-for-hire.”
“Your
riddle hinted at radiation.”
“Yes. My two top assistants, Quiz and Query, left
me quite unexpectedly a month ago. You
probably remember them--very intelligent, very pretty. I’ve learned from a reliable source they
joined the League of Assassins. You’ve
heard of it, no doubt.”
“Too
many times. It’s now run by the
daughters of Ra’s al Ghul.”
“My
source tells me Talia al Ghul personally assigned Quiz and Query to plant an
atomic bomb somewhere in the city. The
blast will be blamed on Middle Eastern extremists.”
“When
is it supposed to happen?”
“Within
the next two weeks. No warning is going
to be given. As you can see, I’m out of
my depth on this, so I turn to you.” He
twirled his cane. “I feel partly
responsible, having put all these criminal notions into the girls’ minds. I never expected they would do something like
this.”
“You’ll
understand that I want to verify everything you’ve said.”
“Do
it quickly, as we don’t have much time.”
“Who’s
your source?”
“Someone
you know, but who wishes to remain anonymous at this time.”
“No
matter. I have my own sources.”
“Use
them all, if you wish. I want you to
know I’m telling the truth.”
“I
suppose I should say thank you.”
“All’s
fair in the games between us, but this is out of bounds. I want
“But
for very different reasons.”
“True.” He smiled.
“One last thing. My source sent me a riddle, courtesy of Quiz and
Query. I suppose they’re either trying
to make me proud of them, or really stick it to me. The riddle is, ‘What’s always coming, but
never arrives?’”
Bruce
frowned. “That’s an old one. The answer is tomorrow.”
“Yes. Even I don’t use anything so corny. Hopefully, it will help you find them,
anyway.”
As
soon as Riddler left, Bruce called Dick Grayson down to the cave.
Now completing the
final stages of his training to transition from Robin to Nightwing, Dick viewed
the information with uneasy alarm. “I
think we have to trust him, Bruce. He’s
risking a lot to come tell you all this.”
“I
agree, reluctantly. It may well be a
trap, but we would be negligent not to investigate the warning.”
Dick’s
mind reeled. “Wow, an a-bomb hidden
somewhere in
“It
would increase the chances of the public finding out, and that could cause mass
hysteria. We’ll have to do this
ourselves. Assuming there really is a bomb. It’s just so unlike Riddler--or any master
criminal--to seek me out for help. I’m
the last person they’d come to.”
“Unless
it really was serious and they had nowhere else to turn. Where would you go if you were Riddler and what he said is all true?”
Bruce
thought about it. “To me. I guess you’re right. We’ll proceed as if he’s telling the truth
unless we find evidence to the contrary.”
“What’s
your plan?”
“First,
if the League is behind it all, they’ve got to be operating somewhere in the
city. Search the real estate transaction
databases. Look for any suspicious
leases of small business space in the last two months. Second, we have to find that bomb. Remember the batwing ROVs I was working on
last year?”
“Yeah,
they look like high tech boomerangs.”
“Which,
in a sense, they are. I equipped them
with gamma detectors for just such an emergency. I’ll create a search grid and send the four
of them out to fly over the city. We’ll
check their readings for signs of abnormal radiation levels.”
“How
long will that take?”
“One
night, at most. After you investigate
real estate deals, see what you can make of the new riddle. It’s our only solid clue.”
“Solid
clue? Bruce, every schoolkid knows that
one. What’s always coming, but never
arrives? Tomorrow.”
“Yes,
but somehow the word tomorrow figures
into locating the bomb. We have to
discover how.”
Catwoman
went out for the third night in a row.
This time she ventured to the affluent uptown area, filled with high
priced hookers and even higher priced apartments and hotels.
Live like a prince, proclaimed the sign
outside the ritzy
“Yeah,
for a king’s ransom,” she sneered.
The
streetwalkers seemed to be somewhere else, so the neighborhood was quiet. Not much going on.
Leaping
from the
She
flashed her claws and spun around, ready to fight.
The
stranger lifted his ski mask. “Selina?”
She
recognized him. “Omigod, Jason?”
“Small
world, isn’t it?” Jason McGregor remarked.
Dazed,
she gasped, “How long has it been?”
Smiling
disarmingly, he tied the neck of the velvet bag in his hand. “A little over three years since the day you
broke my heart.”
“It
wasn’t personal. I just....”
He
boldly kissed her on the lips. “You just
couldn’t get him out of your system. I’m
not bitter. I understand.
“I--I
wasn’t using you.”
“Oh,
I know. We were hot together,
Selina. But all fires burn out sooner or
later.”
“I
wouldn’t have guessed you’d be so carefree about it.”
“Don’t
take this wrong, but there’s only one thing a guy like me hangs onto tightly.”
She
nodded at the sack. “Yeah. The goods.”
“I’m
impressed. You still remember some of
what I taught you.”
“Those
were good times.”
“Yeah. Remember the old lady at the casino hotel in
She
snickered. “The one who threw her walker
at you as you climbed out the window?”
“My
butt was sore for days where it hit me.
And she looked like Frankenstein, with that cold cream on her face.”
They
both laughed.
“I
see you’re still at it,” she commented.
“Stealing
is my business, and business is good.
Looks like you’re up to your old cat tricks, too.”
“Not
exactly. I went legit a few months after
we broke up. No reflection on you. I felt like it was the right thing for me.”
“To
each his own. I read where you got
engaged to him.”
“It
was time. We’d been in and out of each
other’s lives for nearly four years.”
“Does
he know about you?”
“Yep. No secrets.
But now that I’m on the other side, it’s less of a problem.”
“So what is it you
do now?”
“My day job aside,
I consider myself an activist against crimes on women.”
“I’m
glad you found your niche. Must be nice,
living in that big mansion with so much priceless stuff.”
“You
may not believe this, but his wealth doesn’t impress me. I’m not that materialistic anymore.”
“Man,
I’d love to knock off the joint. I could
retire for life.”
“Jason,
that’s not funny. Don’t even think about
it.” Her eyes grew big. “Forget it!
I would never help you rob Bruce.
Never!”
He
held up his hands. “Hey, no need for
hostility. It was just an idea.”
“A
very bad one.”
“If
you not busy right now, why don’t you come watch me work? I want to hit the tourist hotel on the west
side. I can always use your help. And the money is fantastic.”
“I
gave that all up, Jason. I’m not
interested. Like you said, to each his
own.”
“We
made a good team. I’ve long since
forgiven you for walking out on me.”
“Well,
I haven’t forgiven you for leading me astray.
I had the worst luck with men back then.
But my luck’s changed. It’s only
a matter of time before yours does, too.”
“I’m
not getting older, I’m getting better.
C’est la vie. It’s your loss.”
“I’d
rather lose that than Bruce. Or my
life.”
He
looked at his watch. “Can’t stay in one
spot too long. It was good to see you,
Selina. Maybe we’ll cross paths again.”
“You
know what they say about crossing paths with a black cat, dontcha?”
Despite
her rejections, Jason stayed very much on her mind for the rest of the evening. She was uncomfortable with her past coming
back to haunt her, yet she couldn’t dismiss his part in her life. Even if she did get involved with him on the
rebound from Bruce, he was partly responsible for her desire to lead a clean
life. She just hoped he would be gone
soon so she wouldn’t have to think about him again.
Waking
up next to Bruce in the morning, she rubbed his chest. “Hey, handsome.”
With
a kiss, he said, “Morning, beautiful.”
“How
was your meeting with Riddler? You were
still in the cave when I got home.”
“I
hate to say it, but I think he’s being truthful. Something in me still is and always will be
suspicious about him, but so far everything Dick and I have come up with
validates his information.”
“So
what’s up with the radiation thing?”
“The
League of Assassins has most likely planted a nuclear bomb somewhere in
“Good
heavens! Where?”
“That’s
the $64,000 question, isn’t it? Dick
located a possible hideout for whatever League members are here. We’ll watch them night and day. When they leave town, they’re ready to set
off the bomb. But it could be anywhere--at
their location, or under City Hall. The
only clue we have is a riddle whose answer is tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Something
about that word is the key to the puzzle.”
“Who
do you think is doing this?”
“Within
the organization, it could be any of a hundred operatives. The Snowbirds were even adjuncts of the
League. But ultimately, responsibility
goes to the top: Talia al Ghul and her sister Nyssa.”
“You
mentioned Talia once before. Who is
she?”
He
let out a big sigh. “To answer that, I
have to tell you about her father, Ra’s al Ghul. Ra’s was nearly immortal. He lived for centuries, and as he got older
he got crazier. He wanted to restore
balance to the world’s ecosystems by wiping out most human life. He deduced that I was Batman and chose me to
be his successor as head of the League, but of course I said no. I fell in love with his daughter Talia, a very
beautiful and exotic woman, which complicated things.
“She
loved her father but absolutely detested his plans for the world. So for several years, we had this love/hate
thing going. Sometimes she would help
me, sometimes she would side with her father.
He was eventually killed by his other daughter, Nyssa.
“There’s
where it gets truly weird. Ra’s’ death
was actually a plot of his own design.
He wanted Talia and Nyssa to embrace his philosophy about the world and
be his heirs. Paradoxically, his death
did exactly that. So now the League is
run by the sisters. Talia repudiated her
feelings for me and made Batman an enemy.”
“So,
I’m not the only one who’s had bad luck with wackos of the opposite sex.”
“I
never knew which Talia was going to show up.”
“‘Hell
hath no fury like a woman scorned.’” She
kissed him. “At least I wore a costume
so you could tell the difference.”
“Speaking
of that costume, you’ve been going out a lot lately.”
“Yes,
I have. So?”
“So
I’d like you home a little more, that’s all.
You put in a full day at Minerva, then go out as Catwoman. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for us to be
together, or for you to help Batman.”
She
slammed her head back on the pillow.
“We’ve been over this before, Bruce.
Catwoman has a career that means just as much to me as Batman’s means to
you. You even admitted it yourself a few
days ago. I am not going to stop working
on my own. It’s who I am. You knew that, and you said you were okay
with it.”
“But
every night?”
“Sometimes,
yes. I have women who look to me as a
protector. I won’t sit around here like
some beautiful decoration while girls are out there in danger.”
“What
about when I need you?”
“I
don’t recall you doing without lately.”
“I
don’t mean just sex, I mean when I need you to help me on a case. Like now.”
“I
told you I would work with you from time to time, and I already have. But I’m not going to be your new Robin. If you need help that much when Dick leaves,
take in a new kid and train him. You’ve
done it once.”
“I
was thinking you’d assist me if I asked.”
“I
can’t be at your beckon call. I have my
life and my interests. I’m not giving up
who I am just because I’m marrying you.
You managed to fight crime alone all those years before you met me, so
why can’t you do it now? Maybe you’re
just getting lazy. Besides, there’ve
been evenings I wanted to be with you, but no, I had to watch TV because
Batman needed to bail out the stupid Gotham PD again!”
“You’re
going to be my wife! We’re a team.”
“Listen, I am not becoming ‘Mrs. Batman.’ If that’s what you assumed, then you were
wrong. Selina Kyle is marrying Bruce
Wayne. Catwoman is not marrying Batman. Is that
clear?”
“We’re
the same people! It’s a package.”
“Then
think of it this way. Selina will always
be there for Bruce. Catwoman will not
always be there for Batman. That’s the
bottom line.”
“You
can’t make such arbitrary distinctions.
We take each other’s whole lives, that was our agreement. You’re being stubborn and unreasonable.”
“And
you’re being a jerk! Maybe I don’t want
to marry a man who thinks of me as his lady-in-waiting.” She jumped out of bed and donned her
robe. “Remember the story of the boy and
the scorpion? You knew what I was when
you picked me up.”
“There’s
more Catwoman in you than I figured.”
“That’s
your problem. You didn’t ‘figure’
enough. I will not be your trophy, your
‘little lady,’ or Batman’s sidekick. And
you know what? Right now, I don’t even
want to be your wife! Take your Batsuit
and shove it!” She stalked out of the
bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Alfred
met her at the bottom of the stairs. “I
heard shouting. Is everything all
right?”
“Your
boss is a chauvinistic ass! Wears that
damn cowl so tight, it chokes off air to his brain!” Storming into the guest bedroom, she locked
the door.
He
looked at the empty staircase. “‘The
course of true love never did run smooth.’”
As
soon as she was alone, she melted down and cried. For a long time, she had been afraid this day
would come. She and Bruce were so much
alike and had such chemistry, but they never really explored how their
differences would impact a marriage.
She
was Catwoman. She felt comfortable with her alter ego and
derived much worth and satisfaction as a woman’s advocate and defender. She also didn’t take kindly to those who
abused animals, for they often abused women, too. In many ways, she had the best of both
worlds. By day she worked at a company
committed to making women feel better about themselves. By night she evened the odds facing
Such
a full life didn’t really leave room for a deep relationship. Maybe that’s why most of hers had been
superficial at best and total misfires at worst.
But Bruce was
different. They shared a dark side and
an irresistible passion. They understood
each other and what it was like to live on the razor’s edge between sanity and
insanity. It was mostly because of her
desire to rekindle their romance that she turned her life around. He gave her a true love and acceptance she’d
never had.
However, there was
the big Batman problem. She was not
really a naughty girl at heart, but the Dark Knight’s law-and-order, goody
twoshoes act got on her nerves some days.
Not that she favored turning the world over to the likes of Joker and Scarecrow,
but come on, weren’t there bigger problems in
She began to
regret being so harsh with Jason McGregor.
He was rich like Bruce, but he was more fun. She had forgotten that. He didn’t act like a boring millionaire. He lived a jetsetter’s life, with lots of
parties, travels, and all that cash. He
loved the danger and got a rush from it.
Bruce was dour old Batman, ridding the streets of purse snatchers and
all the nut jobs who couldn’t stay locked up in Arkham Asylum.
Maybe
she wasn’t cut out for marriage after all, or at least marriage to
“Batman.” And why did he keep wanting
her to be his assistant? She wasn’t a
housecat. If they couldn’t agree on
something as simple as how often she should freelance, what hope did they have
for agreeing on weightier issues, or on raising children?
She
realized why Bruce had never married.
His Batman identity complicated any relationship, even a strong one, too
much. It just wouldn’t be fair to the
woman.
In
the same vein, she saw that it would be hard for her to have a husband and be
all the things she wanted to be, too.
Still in tears, she wondered how to tell him she was breaking the
engagement.
Half
an hour later, Alfred knocked. “Miss
Selina, would you like some tea?”
She
dried her eyes and opened the door.
“Yes, that would be nice. Thank
you, Alfred.”
He
carried in a tray and set it on the dresser.
“It sounded like you could use a little Chamomile.”
Sniffling,
she forced a smile. “You’re so
thoughtful.”
“Is
there anything else I can do for you?
Both you and Master Bruce seem quite upset this morning.”
“Is
he still upstairs?”
“No. He went to the Batcave to, as he put it, get
his mind on something else.”
She
closed the door and sat on the bed. As
her eyes teared up again, she said, “We had the worst fight ever.”
“Pre-wedding
jitters can cause a lot of strange behavior in a relationship.”
“This
is more than that. Alfred, I don’t think
I can go through with it. I’m calling
off the wedding. We’ve got too many
differences over the whole Batman-Catwoman issue. The thing we have in common is the thing that
divides us the most.”
“I’d
wondered if it was going to become a stumbling block.”
“We
had it worked out. Or so I thought. I told him I’m going to continue working as
Catwoman. It means I’ll be out at night
some. And he was fine with it, so he
said. Now he keeps nagging me to be
Batman’s helper more. Several times I’ve
told him I’m willing to help out, but I’m not replacing Dick as his constant crimefighting
companion. He doesn’t seem to get that.”
“Would
you like some insight from an old man?”
“Of
course. You’re very wise, Alfred, and
the only one I can talk to about this.”
“Master
Bruce is not trying to control your life, though it may seem so. When he asks you to be Batman’s assistant,
he’s only saying he wants to be with you.
He wants to share that side of himself to the fullest extent possible. Seldom has he ever been able to with a
woman. It’s very difficult not having
anyone but me and Master Dick to talk things over with. In you he has someone who needs no
explanation about Batman or dual identities.
He’s opened himself up to you in a way I’ve never seen him do before.”
“That’s
it? That’s all he’s after?”
“Sometimes
he’s not the most eloquent, especially with women. But I assure you, he’s no control freak. He trusts me to run the estate. Mr. Fox runs Wayne Enterprises and the Wayne
Foundation with very little interference.
The people he trusts, he frees.
He’ll do the same with you, if you show him you’re committed to sharing
all of his life.”
“I’ve
told him several times.”
“But
have you demonstrated it?”
“I
helped him catch Penguin and the Scarecrow.”
“I
think he’s looking for a stronger commitment than once every three or four
months. When you spend time with him,
even as Catwoman, you’re showing you love him, and he feels loved. You may not want to hear this, but every
relationship requires give and take.
Sometimes a lot. When two people
get married, they join their individual worlds together into one. They do
become a team. Separate hobbies are
okay; separate lives are not. Marriage
means that Catwoman and Batman are partners.
They may not always work together, but they are each other’s number one
helper. You must give a little on that
score.”
“I
should’ve known you’d take his side.”
“Now,
hear me out. To be fair to you, Master
Bruce has difficulty with career-minded women.
He’s not adept at dealing with his partner going to work every day when
he has the luxury of staying home if he chooses. He needs to work on accepting your career, or
careers, as an integral part of you.
Together, you must clarify expectations about your work. I’d also suggest you bring him into
Catwoman’s world more. Even though you
see it as your domain, he has resources and insights which can make you more
effective. Don’t forget, he has a street
PhD in criminology. Let his strengths
complement yours. He has helped more
women of your ilk than you know. Plus,
as I said, he wants to spend time with you and share all of your life, too.”
“So
he doesn’t see involvement as an opportunity to take charge?”
“No. The way he runs his company is the way he
runs his life. Unlike some other rich
men whose employment office is a revolving door, he inspires great loyalty in
his people. And if I may be permitted to
add a personal note, I don’t want to see you two break up. You have so much going for you and are very good
for one another.”
“You
have great advice, Alfred. Trouble is,
I’m stubborn. I hear what you’re saying,
but it still feels like he wants control.
I just don’t know if I can give in where you say I need to. It sounds wonderful, but honestly, I’m not
sure I’m ready to do it.”
“It’s
a decision for you and you alone to make.
For Master Bruce’s sake, however, please think it over before making any
drastic changes.”
“I
will.” She hugged him. “Thank you again.”
“You
are most welcome, Miss Selina.”
“Please
don’t say anything to Bruce about our conversation.”
“As
you wish.”
Jason
McGregor called her cell phone at four.
“This
is Selina.”
“Guess who?” He always began his calls to her that way.
“Jason!”
she exclaimed, then muttered, “This is my company phone. How did you get the number?”
“Stealing
information, stealing jewels, one’s just as easy as the other.”
“You’re
still an operator through and through.
What do you want?” she whispered.
“To
talk. Can we meet tonight?”
“Why?”
“I
need to clear the air about some things I said last night.”
She
wanted to do some clarifying, too.
However, she felt reluctant to see him again. Her Cat sense said he was big trouble. Nevertheless, she asked, “Where and what
time?”
“Now
that’s more like it. Nineish, north side
of the
“I’ll
see you then.”
She
went out early. More than anything, she
wanted to clear her head about her relationship with Bruce. But the longer she pondered it, the more her
hurt feelings festered and the darker her thoughts became.
“I’m tired of
toeing Batman’s line. Why do I need him
dragging me down? Marriage is overrated,
anyway. This Cat has no owner!”
By the time she
reached the bridge, she had made a decision.
She was going to return home in the morning, give back the ring, and
move out. It would save both of them a
lot of heartache over time. “Short term
pain, long term gain.”
She was only at
the bridge a few minutes when Jason appeared, again clad in black. “Good evening, Gatito.”
“Turning on the
old charm again, huh?”
“You used to like
it when I called you that.” He gazed at
her cleavage.
“Big job tonight?”
she asked, gesturing at his outfit.
“Gemstone sellers
at the Gotham Suites.”
“You’re dedicated
to your work, I’ll say that much for you.”
“Not unlike
yourself.”
“I’m glad somebody realizes it,” she said with
clenched teeth. “You wanted to talk.”
“Actually, I want
to apologize. It was way off base for me
to suggest robbing Wayne Manor and very unfair to you.”
“Apology
accepted. I’m sorry for being mean. You were always kind to me, and you deserved
a better reception.”
“Thanks, but
there’s nothing to forgive. I know it
was a shock to see me after so long. I
shouldn’t have expected you to be like you were four years ago. My bad.”
“Well…that was a
nice chat. What else is on your
mind? You could’ve apologized on the phone.” She leaned against the bridge pillar and
folded her arms.
“I forgot how you
see right through me. You’re dangerous.”
“Ah, but you love
danger, don’t you?”
He pulled his mask
up. “Are you trying to flirt?”
She smiled. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
He grabbed her,
and they shared a sensual kiss.
“Wow!”
She fanned her
face. “My, my! That was unexpected.”
“You asked what’s
on my mind. You are, Selina. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since
last night. I don’t care about your
engagement, him, or anything else. I
want you back. Come help me with the
Gotham Suites job. Maybe we can pick up
where we left off.”
Her eyes
twinkled. “That’s an intriguing
proposition. Lead the way.”
In the Batcave,
Bruce and Dick worked incessantly, trying to track down the nuclear device and
decipher the cryptic clue in the word tomorrow.
“Bruce, I’m
picking up the telemetry from the airborne scanners.”
“Run the data
through the analysis program.”
“Already
done. Nothing so far.”
“This is the
strangest riddle I’ve ever seen, Dick.
The answer itself is a riddle.”
“West side and
east side scans negative for abnormal radiation.”
“I’ve gone over it
and over it, dividing the word, rearranging the letters, translating it into
fifteen other languages.”
“Do you suppose it’s
a red herring?”
“I’m beginning to
wonder if we’re wasting our time. It
would be like Riddler to try to throw us off.”
“Uptown scan,
negative.”
“I wish Selina
were here. We need a fresh brain for
this problem.”
“I haven’t seen
her around much. What’s going on?”
“I’m afraid she’s
getting cold feet about the wedding. She
thinks I’m trying to tell her how to run her life, and I’m not. Our relationship really sizzles when she’s
Catwoman. I feel intellectually
stimulated, and instead of battling wits with her, I want us to put them
together and work as a team. I suppose
she doesn’t get the same charge out of it anymore. She still has an air of mystery for me, but I
must not have one for her.”
“I got something.”
Bruce ran to the
computer. “What?”
“The downtown scan
registered a small blip.”
“Where?”
“Over the central
business district. It wasn’t much, but
it’s more than anything else has turned up.”
“Bring the drone
around for another pass. What altitude?”
“Two thousand
feet.”
“Try fifteen
hundred.”
Half a minute
later, Dick exclaimed, “Got a strong signal!”
“Feed the
coordinates to the city overlay map.”
“Done.”
Bruce stared at
the CAD schematic of downtown.
“It’s this four
block area.”
“What’s in it?”
“
“Zoom in closer.”
As Dick did,
individual addresses showed on the screen.
Taking a deep
breath, Bruce said, “That’s it. Look at
the addresses of the towers. One
“Two
“The bomb is in
the number two tower. Bring the drones
home and let’s suit up and go!”
Twenty minutes
later, Jason and Selina were scaling the west side of the hotel. Dwarfed by a taller building next door, their
end was concealed in the shadows.
It all made her
feel alive again. She’d missed the
adrenaline thrill. The real Cat was
back.
Climbing up on the
roof, they looked around. “Our entrance
is the exit door over there,” he said.
Without warning,
the door opened. A night watchman named
Selina and Jason
dove behind a large ventilation fan and flattened themselves against the
concrete.
The Batmobile
screeched to a halt in front of No. 2 Morro Plaza. Batman and Robin jumped out and ran to the
building.
Robin switched on
a handheld radiation detector.
“Hmm. That’s strange.”
“What?”
“The radiation
level is lower here than the readings from the drone.”
“Point it up.”
The device beeped
loudly. “Jackpot! But why would they put the bomb on top
instead of in the basement?”
“Because
of the building’s layout. The fiftieth
floor is nothing but one big mechanical room, perfect for hiding such a
device.”
Robin
craned his neck to look at the peak of the building. “It’s a long climb.”
“Then
we should get started.”
As
the guard approached, Jason cursed himself for not grabbing the bag when he
hid. He palmed a throwing knife from his
pocket and slipped it up his sleeve.
Catwoman
saw, and her feelings of thrill turned to chill. Nobody’s supposed to get hurt!
It
surprised her how quickly excitement became fear. That never happened when she was helping the
girls or foiling a crime. You’re not
doing the right thing, her inner Cat said.
She regretted giving in to the impulse to reconnect with Jason. What a stupid idea, trying to get back at
Bruce. Praying the guard wouldn’t see her,
she scooted further into the darkness and away from Jason.
Jason
tried to circle around and come up from behind to take him out. As he crossed the gap between two air
conditioning units,
The
shot ricocheted off the cement, freezing him in his tracks.
“Come
out with your hands behind your head!”
Jason
resumed crawling but soon ran out of cover.
Nothing but open space lay between him and Stanley. If only he had his pistol.
From
her new hiding place, Catwoman got a clear view of both men. She dearly wished she could be home with the
man she loved instead.
“Viking,
are you sure it’s not an animal?” the other guard asked.
“Animals
don’t carry backpacks.”
“Roger
that, Viking.”
“Can you send
Raider up, if he’s free?”
“Affirmative. Police have been summoned. ETA, five minutes. I’ll call Raider right away. Niner out.”
The beam caught
Jason’s shoulder.
“Okay, you. Stand up slowly, hands behind your head.”
Jason did as
instructed while discreetly extracting the knife.
“Who are you?”
“Just another
bloody tourist!” he shouted and flung the knife.
The blade took off
Jason ran for the
bag to get his gun.
“Halt! Halt!”
Horrified,
Catwoman watched as Jason jerked from the shots and fell spread-eagle on top of
an access panel. Blood trickled from the
corner of his mouth.
The sound of
approaching sirens grew louder each second.
“Is anybody else up here?”
Through a drainage
hole Catwoman saw a
Not caring how
many cuts and bruises she got, she slid down the side of the hotel, using her
claws to slow her descent and maintain contact with the brick exterior. She saw a pile of discarded pillows in a
trash dumpster below. “Lucky you,” she
said as she let go and free fell the last thirty feet.
“Oww!” Under the pillows were a number of cardboard
boxes, which made her landing harder than she anticipated. Ignoring the pain in her hips and back, she
climbed out of the dumpster and sprinted away while more police cars and an
ambulance arrived at the hotel.
Three blocks
later, she stopped running. Sitting in
an alley to catch her breath, she thought about what just happened. Jason’s abrupt death, coupled with her own
foolishness, made her tremble uncontrollably.
She vomited and began crying.
A wandering cat
nudged her leg and mewed.
Like a child
holding her comfort toy, she hugged the cat as she sobbed.
What’s wrong with
you? You could be dead, she told
herself. What were you thinking? You almost trashed your life for a fling with
a guy you had the good sense to dump three years ago. You would’ve traded the best man you ever met
for a thief who was bound to get killed sooner or later? Can you possibly be that stupid?
“Alfred was right,
kitty. Life is a give-and-take, and I’ve
got some giving to catch up on.”
Once inside the
top floor of the tower, Batman and Robin let the radiation detector guide
them. The readout pegged next to a
cylinder between two water conduits.
Assessing the
object in the soft light, Batman said, “Hand me the socket wrench.”
Robin opened their
tool pack.
Batman gingerly
removed the bolts holding the casing together, then lifted off the upper half.
Inside sat a
two-foot high dark brown cone with several bunched wires protruding from the
bottom. The wires led to a green box
with Cyrillic lettering on it.
“Have a good
look. This is something you’ll probably
never get to see again.”
“It’s Russian!”
“A stolen missile
warhead, to be precise. Riddler was
telling the truth. The League of
Assassins has gotten their hands on a nuclear weapon. That changes everything.”
“Is it live?”
“No,
fortunately. They’ve not yet primed it
or hooked up a timing device. All I need
to do is cut these wires away and remove this trigger.” He held up an oddly shaped black gadget. “It’s safe enough to sit in the
“What now?”
“I have to tell
Commissioner Gordon, and the repercussions will be immense. Imagine the public outcry when this hits the
press. Who did it? Why?
Where are they?”
Two guns clicked
in unison.
“You’re making a
big assumption there, Batman,” a redhead in a green jumpsuit said.
“You’re assuming
you’ll live long enough to call the commissioner,” an identically attired
blonde finished.
“Quiz and
Query. What are you ladies doing up at
this hour?”
“Protecting our
bomb,” Query responded.
“I have to commend
you,” Quiz said as she aimed her gun at Batman.
“You’re every bit as brilliant as Talia said you were. We made our riddle hard, but not impossible. I didn’t know if you’d figure it out.”
Robin scowled at
her. “Fortunately for
“It seems like you
wanted me to find you,” Batman observed.
“Of course we
did,” Query said. “We want to kill you
so we can go ahead with the bombing undisturbed.”
“Speaking of
which.” Quiz shoved the gun barrel into
Batman’s throat and held out her left hand.
“The wires and the trigger, please.”
He opened his
glove and allowed her to retrieve them.
“It won’t take us
long to reconnect everything after we dispose of you two.”
“And when would
that be?” He flicked a tiny smoke
grenade behind them.
The momentary
distraction of the bang and billowing white cloud was all the time he and Robin
needed to go on the offensive. Chopping
the girls’ arms, they knocked the guns away.
Before Quiz and Query could retaliate, the Dynamic Duo punched them out.
Catwoman staggered
home to the Batcave in a daze. Her
costume skinned up and torn, she looked like the loser of a vicious fight.
She noticed the
Batmobile gone and knew she was alone.
She wanted to find Bruce there so she could confess everything and patch
up their relationship. The empty silence
echoed the void she felt in her heart.
Exhausted, she pulled
off her mask, lay down in the workout room, and fell asleep.
Batman and Robin
securely handcuffed Quiz and Query to an access ladder, gagged them, and
returned to the Batmobile.
Picking up the car
phone, Batman dialed Commissioner Gordon’s home number.
After three rings,
a sleepy voice answered, “Gordon.”
“It’s Batman. You need to come to
Gordon arrived
with two squad cars at
The commissioner
was astounded. “You cannot be serious!”
“I am.”
“Do you know what
this means? Somebody smuggled an atomic
bomb into the city, set it up, and was days from detonating it, all without
anyone in the government or law enforcement even being suspicious? Good God, heads are going to roll all over
the place!” He rubbed his chin. “How did you
know about it?”
“The Riddler told
me last night.”
“The Riddler? You should have informed me right away!”
“I wasn’t sure if
he was telling the truth. You know how
he likes puzzles and games.”
“Still.... I--I can’t believe it! Even a rumor needs to be reported. What if you’d been killed? What if you hadn’t found it?
“Commissioner,
with all due respect, it might be best if word doesn’t get out. Only you and this handful of men need to
know.”
“Are you
nuts? Golini would throw me in the
“Revealing this
could actually make things worse. Think
about it. Other individuals might be
emboldened by news of a big gap in our security intelligence. People would try to politicize the situation
for their own gain. And it would damage
a mayor who has been very good for this city.”
“You’re right on
all three counts. But how can we
possibly keep it under wraps?”
“Do your men have
any idea what a missile warhead looks like?”
“Well, no.”
“Then for all they
know, they’re just arresting two associates of Riddler who tried to plant a
small bomb in that office tower.”
“If it were only a
local thing, that might work. But you’ve
got an international organization who managed to get their mitts on a stolen
a-bomb. That can impact the entire world,
Batman.”
“Only if they
intended to set it off.”
“What do you
mean?”
“I’ve never been
one hundred percent convinced the threat was genuine, or Riddler was being
totally honest.”
“But you found a
real bomb.”
“Which could be
designed to lead us in the wrong direction.
I very much want to talk with Riddler again. Too many unanswered questions.
“Okay…. Once more, I put my trust in you. Let me know when you have additional
information. This group of officers can
be discreet.”
“Thank you,
Commissioner.
“What should we do
with it?”
“Get a reliable
bomb disposal man to haul it off and incinerate it.”
On the ride home,
Batman shared his concerns with Robin.
“There’s something about the whole incident that seems...staged, for
lack of a better word. I have a sense
more is going on here, like this is one clue in a much bigger puzzle.”
“Do you have any
proof?”
“No, which makes
me wonder if I’m just too suspicious and can’t bring myself to believe Riddler
is on the level. Has the surveillance
camera caught anything at the League’s hideout?”
“Nada. They’re either staying inside, or else they
have a secret entrance.”
“They have to come
out sooner or later.”
“What if Riddler
is aboveboard?”
“Then the case has
to be considered closed, despite my misgivings.”
“Which would be
just as well, since you’ve got a wedding coming up.”
“After the fight
we had, I wonder if there’s going to be one.”
Selina woke around
seven. Seeing the Batmobile, she
realized she slept right through Bruce’s return. Still in her scraggly costume, she went
upstairs to get something to eat. She
picked a banana and some milk out of the fridge and turned on the radio news.
After a few
commercials, the announcer read what she was waiting for. “This morning’s top story: death of an
international jewel thief. Last night, a
security guard at the Gotham Suites shot and killed a man police identified as
Jason McGregor. McGregor was wanted by
both the FBI and Interpol for numerous thefts of jewels and other valuables
dating back nearly eight years. Police
theorize McGregor was at the hotel because of a gemstone collector’s convention
this week. Also overnight, police
arrested two women in connection with an alleged bomb threat against one of the
Breathing a sigh
of relief, she shut off the radio. No
mention of Jason having an accomplice.
“Somebody up there likes me.”
She polished off
her breakfast, then headed for the master bedroom. Time to swallow an extra large serving of
pride.
Under the watchful
eye of Batman’s spy camera, an abandoned storefront sat two blocks east of City
Hall. Appearing vacant to passers by, it
was anything but.
Inside, Talia al
Ghul hit the power button on her TV remote and poured herself a glass of
Chablis. “So Batman found the bomb.”
“Just as you
predicted,” the Riddler said.
“Will the girls
talk?”
“It depends on how
well you trained them.”
She brushed back
her dark hair and finished the drink. “I
never let anyone go into the field who gives me doubts. They’re trained not to crack under CIA
interrogation, so I’m not worried about the puny Gotham Police. They knew their roles. They’re happy to be footsoldiers for the
cause, and they will get out of jail.
Eventually.”
“Sometimes you
worry me with your dogmatic devotion.”
“Then don’t ever
meet Nyssa. She makes me look like a
halfhearted cheerleader. She killed
Ra’s, remember?”
“I think I’m in
too deep.”
“Nonsense. I needed your help, you gave it, I paid
you. No strings, and you’re free to go
about your own business after this is all over.”
“When is this ‘all over’?”
“When Batman’s
dead.”
“So I’m on
retainer until then?”
“You can look at
it that way. It’s the extra I included
in your fee.”
“I need to have my
next meeting with Batman this evening to ‘thank’ him.”
“Borrow one of my
wigs and extra dresses. After dark, you
can slip away through the loading dock.
If his camera sees you, he’ll think you’re an ugly hooker.”
“You enjoy making
me squirm, don’t you?”
“Not as much as
I’ll enjoy killing Batman.”
“You’ve got some
serious beef with the guy.”
“More than I want
you to know.”
Selina quietly
locked the bedroom door. Bruce was still
sound asleep, so she shed the remains of her catsuit, slipped on a nightgown,
and cuddled up next to him.
The feel of her
warm body woke him up. Seeing her
disheveled hair, smudged face, and scratched arms, he mumbled, “I didn’t know
we fought that hard.”
She laughed
softly. “I had a wild night.”
“Me, too.”
“I’ve got some
things I need to say. About me, and
about us.”
“Uh-oh.”
Gently kissing his
lips, she said, “Just listen. You may
like what you hear.”
“You’ve got my
undivided attention.”
“First, I’m
sorry. I was nasty and unfair to
you.” She sighed. “I feel a little like Scrooge this morning. Last night, I got to relive part of my life,
and it changed me. I saw a friend from
my past killed right in front of me. He
was a guy I had a fling with not long after I disappeared on you the first
time.”
“When you killed
Shreck?”
“Yeah. I was trying so hard to get over you, and he
appealed to my more adventurous side. We
did some jewel heists together and jetsetted around
He held her and
rubbed her back. “I still love you, and
I forgive you.”
Drying her eyes on
the sheet, she said, “I can’t go back to living like that. It’s not who I am anymore. I felt so scared, Bruce. I was childish, and it almost cost me
everything. I decided I would rather
make the effort to straighten out our differences than to impetuously run away
again. That’s been my strategy--run off
when things get uncomfortable and come back to make nice later. I see why I drove you so crazy. I’m back to stay, if you’ll have me.”
Smiling, he told
her, “You’re still the gem of my life, Selina.
We have a bond that can’t be broken.”
“Thank you. I love you so much.” She exhaled deeply. “That was the easy part. The hard part’s working out the problem. Let me extend a little peace offering. While both mean a lot to me, being Catwoman
means more than my job at Minerva. And you
mean more than either one, I realized.
I’m prepared to quit my day job so we can have more time together. I think I’ll do some part-time volunteer work
at the Women’s Haven or Dr. Tompkins’ clinic instead.”
“I’m glad you
mentioned Minerva. I’ve been intending
to talk to you about it. As you know,
the company’s gotten a bit off track since Sherry Miller died. Sales are down. It seems Minerva is one of those companies
that are extensions of their founders.
Without the visionary, no matter how capable the executives, the company
isn’t the same.”
“I’ve noticed it,
too.”
“So has my board
of directors. A Canadian corporation is
preparing to tend a very large offer for Minerva, one that your CEO may not be
able to resist. My board wants to buy Minerva
before they do and make it a subsidiary of Wayne Enterprises, partly as a
tribute to Sherry and partly because they believe in her vision for the
company. If that happens, it’ll look a
bit funny for the CEO’s wife to be an officer in the new acquisition.”
“Hmm. Looks like I’m leaving Minerva one way or
another.”
“I appreciate your
willingness to give that career up for us.”
“You know there’s
no way I’m giving up Catwoman.”
“I wouldn’t want
you to. I find our relationship gets
even more electric when you’re in that outfit.
You are sexy beyond belief.”
“I talked to
Alfred. He said when you ask me to help
Batman, it’s just because you want me involved in that part of your life. True?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay, then I can
be your assistant whenever you really need me.
And if I ever need your help on a Catwoman case, you’ll do the same?”
“Of course.”
“Since I’ll be
able to spend more time with you during the day, will you let me work nights as
Catwoman when I need to? Except where
we’re working together.”
“Sure. I work a lot of nights myself, as you know.”
“Great. Gee, why couldn’t we have talked it out like
this yesterday?”
“Better late than
never.”
“Tell me about
your wild night.”
He caressed her
shoulder. “After we kiss and make up.”
Batman was alone
in the Batcave when Riddler strolled up through the Batmobile entrance.
“Working hard
tonight?”
“Always, Riddler.”
The imp smiled and
twirled his cane. “I came by to say
thank you. I understand you found Quiz
and Query’s bomb and defused it.”
“You heard correctly. The bomb is gone, and the girls are in
jail. All neat and tidy. Too neat, perhaps.”
“I appreciate your
trusting me this once.”
“So we’re even
now.”
“Yes. We’ll no doubt meet again.”
“I won’t be so
charitable next time.”
“I wouldn’t expect
you to. All’s fair in the games between
us, as I said before. Goodnight,
Batman. I’ll send you a nice wedding
gift. Something blooming.” He tipped his hat and started walking.
“Riddler?”
“Yes?”
“This whole
episode still doesn’t sit right with me.
It’s too pat, scripted almost. I
know you’re up to something else. I
won’t stop until I find out what it is.”
Riddler
shrugged. “It’s your time. Waste it if you want.”
The next day, as
Bruce and Selina finalized details about the ceremony, he told her of his suspicions.
“I agree the man
isn’t normally trustworthy,” she said, “but if you can’t find anything to
support your hunch, you should probably let it go until we’re back from our
honeymoon.”
“The more I think
about it, the more I’m concerned that whatever he’s up to may involve the
wedding.”
“Don’t say
that. I have enough to worry about
already.”
“A large wedding
makes a nice target for someone like Riddler, who knows our secrets.”
“Well, if he has
another scheme, he’s not going to come out and tell you.”
“Not directly,
anyway. He did say he’ll be sending us a
gift.”
“How sweet,” she
deadpanned.
“His ‘gift’ may be
the plot he’s hatching. I’ll get extra
security as a precaution. And just in
case, maybe Dick should be there as Robin, instead of as a groomsman.”
“Whatever you
think.”
“I think your
special day should be the loveliest, safest one of your life.”
The night before
the wedding, Bruce and Dick went over the floor plan of the newly-refurbished
Gotham Cathedral.
“And where do you
want me to be?” Dick asked.
“Hidden in the
choir loft. It’ll give you a view of the
entire sanctuary.”
“You know you are
making a lot of assumptions about what’s going to happen. That decreases your margin for error.”
Bruce threw down
his pen. “Yes. I’ve been wrestling with this day and night
for more than a week. Normally, I
wouldn’t implement such elaborate measures, especially for my own wedding. Even Gordon thinks I’m paranoid. But I never take these kinds of risks unless
I’m convinced. I can’t explain it, I
can’t justify it, I just know in my
soul he’s going to pull something tomorrow.”
“Have you told
Selina what you’re planning?”
“Not
everything. It would make her more
nervous than she already is.”
“This is the most
important day of your lives. I won’t let
you down.”
“Consider it your
final exam, your ultimate test: stopping a criminal plan you don’t know before
it happens.”
“With that in
mind,” Dick walked to the workout room and returned with a garment bag, “I
thought you might want to see what I’m wearing.” He unzipped the bag to reveal a black
bodysuit with a blue V reaching from shoulder to shoulder.
“Your Nightwing
outfit?”
“Yeah. Designed it myself. What do you think?”
“Looks great, and
it won’t be as noticeable when you’re hiding.”
“Let’s hope I
don’t have to come out of hiding. I’d
like nothing better than for you to be wrong about Riddler.”
“This time, I’m
more worried about being right.”
Mother Nature
offered a sunny, perfect spring Saturday for the wedding. New life coursed through the old cathedral,
closed for so many years as the city deteriorated.
Selina arrived at
ten, two hours before the ceremony, and went straight to the bridal chambers to
be dressed and made up.
Bruce, however,
was there by nine. He did a final check
of all the security plans with Dick and Commissioner Gordon. One sight of Riddler or his henchmen, and a
dozen plainclothes officers would move into action.
Guests began
filing in at
At
“Florist, ma’am.”
Opening the door,
she saw a smiling young man in a delivery uniform.
“Your bridal
bouquet.”
“Oh, thank you.”
“Have a nice day.”
She was admiring
the pretty roses when she noticed a card attached. “‘Sweet dreams. The Riddler.’ What?”
A burst of
sleeping gas from the flowers hit her in the face, and she passed out.
Thirty seconds
later, the delivery man, a burly fellow in a suit, and Talia al Ghul walked in.
Talia looked at
Selina lying on the floor. “Take her out
the back way. I’ve got a wedding to
prepare for.”
At
the stroke of
The
organist played the familiar strains of Here
Comes the Bride, and she began her walk down the long aisle. Keeping her eyes on the altar, she saw Bruce
and the minister standing alone.
Perfect.
Smiling,
Bruce looked back over his shoulder as she approached.
Nightwing
peered out from behind a seat in the choir loft. So far, so good.
Another
set of watchful eyes observed everything from the darkened third balcony, far
above the audience.
Talia
paced herself so she reached the altar just when the organ processional ended.
“Dearly
beloved,” the minister began, “we are gathered here today to celebrate the
union in marriage of Selina and Bruce.
Marriage is not to be entered into lightly or halfheartedly. If you are making this covenant freely and
without reservation, please signify it by facing each other and joining hands.”
Talia
pulled off the veil and produced a nasty-looking pistol from her bouquet as a
wave of consternation spread through the attendees.
“Goodnight
sweet Bruce, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.” Jamming the gun into his ribs, she fired
three times.
To
her astonishment, he did not even flinch.
Reaching into his shirt collar, he began pulling off his face.
“You’re
not Bruce!” she gasped as his mask fell to the floor.
“Lieutenant
Owens,
Before
he could finish speaking, she made a mad dash for the rear exit.
As
Nightwing leaped onto the altar to pursue her, he glanced up at the third
balcony.
Batman
shot a grappling spike into the cathedral’s cavernous ceiling and swung down to
join him.
“You were right,”
Nightwing said.
“That gives me no
joy whatsoever. They have Selina. Help the police look for Riddler. I’m going after Talia.”
“I’ll come as soon
as we’re through here.”
Batman ran out of
the cathedral, and the remotely-controlled Batmobile pulled to a stop in front
of him. He climbed in and sped away,
following the Jaguar zooming down
He knew she was
heading for the League’s hideout, so he decided forego a chase. They’d meet up soon enough.
Just minutes
behind her, the Batmobile stopped at the rear loading dock. He activated the car’s shields and walked
inside, sure they were preparing a less-than-warm welcome for him.
In a small room at
the center of the building, Selina, wearing only her slip and underwear, lay
gagged and tied to a long, narrow countertop.
Her ankles were strapped with piano wire looped through a hole in the
Formica. Bound with more wire, her
wrists were anchored to grommets in the floor.
The more she struggled, the tighter the wire got.
Riddler patted her
head. “Your paramour is here. It won’t be long before you get your wish to
be together...till death do you part.”
Talia had no
interest in prolonging things. As soon
as Batman entered, six thugs overpowered him.
One sprayed him with sleeping gas, and he lost consciousness
immediately.
When he came to,
Talia’s men had just finished tying him down on the opposite end of the
countertop from Selina.
“Take off his
utility belt,” she ordered. “He’s too
crafty.”
Clearing the fog
from his mind, he said, “Hello, Talia.
It’s been a while.”
“Not long enough.”
“What happened to the
sweet girl who used to be in love with me?”
“She died with
Ra’s. He finally opened my eyes about
this awful world. It needs a great
cleansing, along with fools like you who believe there’s anything left worth
defending.”
“Daddy would be so
proud.”
“Shut up, and look
to your left! That trash can is packed
with C4. When we leave, I’m setting this
timer. Three minutes later, bye bye Batman. You and your alley cat bride will be blasted
into eternity. And my life will be so
much easier. Before I go, I must give
you kudos for the countermeasures at the wedding. A decoy, I wouldn’t have thought of that.”
“The minister was
a police officer, too.”
“Another nice
touch. But the difference is, I got out
of your trap. You’re stuck in mine. I’m curious, though. How did you know I was going to try to kill
you?”
“I didn’t. I thought Riddler would try something. But when one of the attendants told me Selina
had disappeared, I guessed it was an assassination setup.”
“And who better to
kill you but me?”
“Quiz and Query
were working for you, so it made sense.
We already had the decoy ready, so I used him.”
“You’re wrong
about one thing. Riddler was very
involved. Weren’t you?”
Riddler came
closer and tipped his hat at Batman.
“Talia approached me when she first heard of your impending
wedding. She wanted to eliminate you,
but she didn’t have enough local resources to pull it off. For a very handsome fee, I gave her Quiz and
Query to train.”
“So the atomic
bomb was a diversion.”
“Which worked
quite nicely. It kept you and little
Robin occupied while we set up the wedding operation.”
“You gave quite a
sincere performance. But I’ll never
believe another thing you say.”
He chuckled. “Since you’re going to live for only five
more minutes, that won’t be a problem,
now will it?”
“Don’t be too
sure.”
“Overconfident to
the very last. Comforting, the way some
things never change. However, I have to
say you missed my last clue. If you’d followed
up on it, you would have figured out what Talia was doing long before today.”
“What clue?”
“I told you I was
sending a wedding gift--something blooming.”
Batman said
nothing.
“Well, I’m
shocked. The great Caped Crusader
doesn’t know the name Talia is Hebrew for ‘blooming?’”
“I’ve tried to
forget as much about her as I can.”
She smiled
devilishly. “I hope you’ll think about
nothing but me for the next three minutes.”
“Maybe you’ll even
die with her name on your lips,” Riddler sneered.
She activated the
timer on the explosives. “Let’s go! Once we’re clear of the area, you’re free to
resume your normal mayhem, or whatever it is you like to do. I’ve got a jet waiting to take me back home.”
Batman managed to
break the wire around his boots and free his legs. Meanwhile, the timer ticked down to two
minutes.
Nightwing’s motorcycle
crashed through the painted-over plate glass window at the front of the
building. Dismounting, he sprinted from
room to room searching for his friends.
Batman shouted,
“We’re in here!”
Fifty-eight
seconds.
Nightwing kicked
open the locked door and saw them.
“Dick, get to the
timer!”
Twenty-five
seconds.
He quickly studied
the bomb. “Simple timing mechanism.
Ten seconds.
Untaping the
battery, he hurled it, the timer, and the detonators out of the room.
Zero.
The detonators
went off with a loud pop, like a firecracker.
Batman relaxed,
and Nightwing pulled wire cutters from his belt and freed his mentor.
“Congratulations. You passed your final exam,” Batman said as
he cut the wires binding Selina. “Now,
go after Riddler. He and his goons left
in the delivery van. Get the police on
it, too. License number GKE 24. Talia’s headed for the airfield. I’ll catch up to her in the car.”
Nightwing
nodded. “See you back at the cave.”
Selina sat up and
ripped the gag from her mouth.
“Ahh!” She kissed Batman. “I love you.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just don’t let that bitch get away!”
As he sped through
She couldn’t
believe the sight in her rear view mirror.
“Dammit! How could he possibly
have escaped? Arrrgh!”
Nightwing zipped
in and out of traffic. The Batmobile was
a great car, but his cycle was the ultimate in maneuverability. He picked up the van going north on
Both vehicles ran
into a bottleneck near an uptown construction site. Unaware he was being followed, the van driver
pulled over to let Riddler out.
Nightwing almost
missed it, but when he spotted the Riddler’s green derby moving among the
sidewalk crowd, he cut him off at the next crosswalk.
“Will you move
your--”
“Riddler, where
you heading?”
“--motorcycle.” He lowered his head.
“No more fun and
games. Time to go back to Arkham.”
“At least I won’t
have to deal with Batman next time I get out.”
“I got some bad
news for you, Riddler.”
Talia knew Batman
would follow wherever she went, so why not lead him somewhere
advantageous? She picked up her
phone. “I’m changing plans. Get the boat and meet me at the
Batman stayed on
her tail until she veered off the freeway.
After she made a squealing turn onto
The bump sent her
into the retaining wall, and both right tires blew out. However, she was an expert driver and guided
the wounded vehicle to a stop on the old stone bridge--ironically, just where
she wanted to be.
Batman ran up to
check on her.
“I don’t need your
help!” She slammed the door and surveyed
the damage. “Look what you’ve done to my
Jag!”
“You’re lucky I
wasn’t trying to kill you.”
“Well, I sure want
to kill you!” She struck a defensive
pose and kicked at him. “How in the
world did you survive?”
He countered her
blow. “It pays to have friends.”
“You’ve been a
pain to my family long enough!” She sent
him down with a leaping chest kick.
Like a ball, he
bounced right back up. “So why now?”
“The
Snowbirds. That was the last straw. I personally taught those girls to fight,
especially to fight you! And you killed
them all.” She spun around and jabbed
him in the ribs.
“Maybe I’m just
better than you.”
“Never!” She landed a strong blow to his chin,
knocking him against her car. “Boy, have
you gotten soft. Can’t fight any better
than that?”
“I don’t like to
hit former lovers,” he said while deflecting her steel-toed shoe. “But I see I’ll have to make an exception.”
“Bring it on,
Flatman!”
He hammered her
hard in the stomach and punched her face with a right hook.
She slammed into
the retaining wall and landed on her fanny.
“Perhaps I miscalculated,” she panted, rising to her feet.
Grabbing her arm,
he flipped her into the back of the Jaguar.
Her face hit the
bumper, breaking her nose.
“That was for
Selina.”
She wiped away the
blood, and their eyes locked in anger.
“You’re so cruel,
Talia. You aren’t the same woman I
knew.”
“I told you, she’s
dead. Like you’re going to be.”
“Do you know how
hard it is to deliberately hurt someone you used to love?”
“No idea. That’s not a problem for me.” She charged at him and pulled him to the
ground.
He rolled over and
boxed her ears. “Had enough?”
She kicked him off
and stood up. Reaching under her belt,
she grabbed two pieces of a small gun and snapped them together. “Arsenic-tipped bullets. Don’t move.
You know I won’t miss.”
“You’re a
brilliant woman, Talia. Why not do
something positive with your life?”
“I
am.” She glanced beyond him for a
moment, then walked backwards to the retaining wall. “I’m ridding the earth of its human
garbage.” Her gaze never left him as she
climbed up on the guardrail and aimed at his face.
He
shielded himself with his cape a millisecond before she fired. The two bullets ricocheted off and shattered
the Jaguar’s rear window.
Out of tricks, she
dropped the empty gun. All her efforts
to kill him had failed. “You’ve won the
day, Batman,” she sighed with frustration.
“I’m going home. However, I will return when the time is right.”
“That’s what they
all say.”
“But I mean
it!” She somersaulted backwards from the
bridge.
He ran to the wall
and saw her make a perfect landing in the back of a speeding Cigarette boat.
The woman is still
amazing, he thought.
The blue boat
bounced across the waves and zipped out of sight.
Selina was resting
comfortably under Alfred’s care by the time Bruce returned to Wayne Manor. As soon as she saw him, she leaped into his
arms. “Oh, darling!”
He held her
tightly and kissed her.
“Is it over?”
“For now. Riddler’s been captured, but Talia’s winging
her way back to
“Alfred told me
she took my place at the wedding and tried to shoot you.”
“Actually, a
well-armored police decoy.”
She squeezed
him. “You knew it was going to happen?”
“I suspected
something like that, especially after they kidnapped you.”
“It was
terrible. They were so mean. Talia was the worst. Just wait until I get my claws in her next
time.”
“On balance,”
Alfred spoke up, “all’s well that end’s well, as the Bard wrote. They’re gone, and you are very much alive.”
“There’s one big
problem,” she said. “We’re still not
married, and our honeymoon plane leaves in an hour.”
“Our ‘honeymoon
plane’ is my private jet, and it can leave whenever we want. As far as being married goes, Alfred, phone
Mayor Golini. See if he can come over
this afternoon. If he’s reluctant, tell
him a ten thousand dollar donation to his Excellence in Education Fund will be
the honoraria.”
“Actually, sir, I
think he’ll be glad to hear from you.
The wedding caper’s been all over the television. Everyone’s wondering where you are and if
you’re all right.”
“After he does the
ceremony, he can tell people I’m fine and in seclusion for my safety. Until the honeymoon’s over.”
An hour and a half
later, Alfred and Dick witnessed Mayor Golini officiate over a very low-key
ceremony. Bruce wore a suit and tie, and
Selina donned a blue evening gown in lieu of the wedding dress stolen by Talia.
“This will
probably be the shortest one I’ve ever done,” the mayor chuckled. “After what happened earlier, I’m sure you
two just want to make it legal and be on your way to the
“That’s right,”
Bruce said.
Golini cleared his
throat. “It is my pleasure as mayor to
preside over the joining in matrimony of these two wonderful people, Bruce
Wayne and Selina Kyle. Bruce, do you
take Selina to be your lawfully wedded wife as long as you both shall live?”
He smiled. “I do.”
“Please place your
ring on her left hand. Now, Selina, do
you take Bruce to be your lawfully wedded husband as long as you both shall
live?”
“I do.”
“Please place your
ring on his left hand.”
Arm in arm, they
turned to face Golini.
“By the power
given me as Mayor of Gotham City, I pronounce you husband and wife. Congratulations! You may kiss the bride.”
Embracing each
other, the happy Mr. Bat and Mrs. Cat locked lips for a long, romantic buss and
tuned out the rest of the world.