THE PURRFECT STORM
Sometimes,
no matter how hard a person tries, they just can’t stay out of the
headlines. The day Bruce Wayne’s
impending marriage to Selina Kyle hit the press, it
was, as they say in the business, a slow news day. Which meant the wedding
announcement of
“PLAYBOY
WAYNE TO WED,” proclaimed Wednesday’s Gotham
Gazette. The Gotham Herald, in
slightly more subdued fashion, said, “BILLIONAIRE
Bruce
covered his eyes and shook his head as Alfred showed him the morning
papers. “How did something that was
supposed to be in the society column end up on page one?”
“I
believe it’s known as a slow news day, sir.”
“Selina
will be mortified.”
“The
Herald story is tasteful, at
least. ‘Billionaire Bruce Wayne
announced his engagement Wednesday to Miss Selina Kyle, East Coast Vice
President of Minerva Beauty Products. It
will be the first marriage for both. The
wedding is planned for April.’”
“I
waited until after New Year’s to make the announcement because I hoped people
wouldn’t notice much.”
Alfred
chuckled. “Then you should have put it
out a couple of days before Christmas.”
“Can
you order two dozen roses for Selina?
I’m going to need some backup for my apology.”
“What
apology is that, darling?” Selina walked
into the study, her wavy black hair flowing over her shoulders like a cape.
Alfred
showed her the papers.
“Oh. Must be a slow news day,” she said
nonchalantly. “Someone was bound to make
a big deal of it eventually. Might as well get it over with now.”
Bruce
kissed her. “You’re not upset?”
“Nah.”
“Shall I forget
about the flowers?”
She
kissed him back. “Not on your life.”
The
lights had already been on for three hours at a small concrete building on the
far outskirts of
“...and
in the five day forecast, it looks like a major winter storm is taking aim at
the
“That’s
too bad, Pengy,” a statuesque blonde commented.
“What’s
too bad?”
“The weather. Looks
like you’ll have to cancel.”
“What
are you talking about? Do you know how
long I’ve been working on this plan? Six months! Six
months of studying, plotting, and getting your girls trained. Six months to make sure nothing goes
wrong. That storm is wonderful news,
Diana! It’ll be great cover for us. The police are less likely to be out in the
middle of a blizzard. My only question
is, can the girls work as well in harsh weather?”
“My
Snowbirds are from
“I’m
not worried. I know what the girls can
do. With six fourth degree black belts
around here, even I feel intimidated sometimes.”
She
laughed and rubbed his back. “I wonder
how Batman would feel if he saw them.”
He
inhaled slowly. “Yes. Batman. The only one who really intimidates me! I may
have spent six months on our little operation, but for three years I’ve been
searching for a way to get my revenge on Batman.”
“Do
Bats come out in blizzards?”
A
light went on in Penguin’s mind. “They
do if they’re invited. You’re beautiful and brilliant, Diana! Yes! I
can use this operation as a lure, and your Snowbirds will be the trap!” He jumped around with excitement. “We get rich, Batman gets his payback, and
the blizzard ensures out escape. My
dear, this is going to be the perfect storm!”
“You
must really hate Batman.”
“He
always thwarts my plans! Now, granted, I
certainly appreciate a good chess match with the guy. But what he did last time was unfair. It was cruel--unsportsmanlike!”
“What
happened?”
“I
was getting away in a speedboat when he shot one of his Batarang things. It wrapped around me and jerked me into the
river. I’m not a great swimmer, so I was
afraid of drowning. I yelled for help,
but the guy just stood there watching me flounder.”
“How awful.”
“But
I outsmarted him! I managed to tread
water, and I remembered these words: ‘He who fights and runs away lives to
fight another day.’ So I pretended to
drown and floated to another pier where I hid.”
“Good
for you.” She gave him a kiss. “So Batman thinks you’re dead?”
“They
never found my body, and he hasn’t heard from me since.” He made an evil grin. “Won’t he be surprised!”
The
next morning, Bruce and Selina snuggled together in their warm bed. “How do you like your new job so far?” he
asked.
“It’s
great. The hours are not too
bad--yet. Hope that
doesn’t change.”
He
yawned. “Wayne Enterprises needs to
diversify a little. How would you feel
if I bought Minerva?”
“The whole company?”
“Yeah. Then you’d be
working for me,” he said with a smirk.
“Uh,
I’m not sure that would be a good thing.”
“You’re
going to be working for me as Batman’s partner, so you might as well get used
to it.”
“No,
no, no.” She put her finger on his
lips. “I’ll be working with you as Batman’s helper.
I’m not a housecat, remember? I still intend on doing some freelancing
after we’re married.”
“Whatever
you are, I love you, anyway.”
“I know, darling. And I think you’ll love the new Catsuit I’ve made.”
“Something wrong with the old one?”
“It’s showing its age, I can’t put my hair up in the mask anymore, and, frankly, I still get spooked by the image of Sherry Miller lying dead in an identical suit. It’s like Scrooge seeing his name on that gravestone.”
“Yeah, I understand. It still rattles me sometimes. What’s different in your new suit?”
“Zippered front--easier to put on and take off. Low neckline--cooler and more flexible. Utility belt. Sharper claws. A new mask that lets me keep my hair down. Basically, more utilitarian for me.”
“And sexier for me, it sounds like.”
“Bruce Wayne, you have a one-track mind.”
“Only when I’m around you.”
“Mmm.” She kissed his
chest. “What’s on our social calendar
for the weekend?”
“Nothing, actually.
After all the holiday gatherings, it’s nice to have some free time. I want to do a little work on the car.”
“Men and their cars.”
She shook her head. “I’d like to
go do something, even if it’s not a big high society event.”
“There’s
a new exhibit opening at the Museum on Friday.”
“What
is it?”
“The Treasures of Kuala Mubar. Lots of jewelry.”
Eyeing
the enormous diamond on her engagement ring, she said, “I think I’ve got all
the jewelry I need for a while.”
“Oh,
but you haven’t seen anything like this.
There’s more than fifty items, including the Raven Diamond. It’s the largest stone ever found in
“Uhhhhhhhh!” She
flopped back on her pillow.
“What’s
wrong?”
“I’m
having visions of Batman being called in for extra security. So much for a quiet
weekend.”
He
kissed her. “They already have three
layers of security. The room is protected by a laser matrix alarm system and watched by three
cameras. Two armed guards stand
outside. The museum has a staff of three
nighttime guards, all trained in self-defense.
Not even Catwoman could get in.”
Smiling
seductively, she whispered, “Don’t tempt me.”
Thursday
afternoon, Police Commissioner Gordon sat in his office puzzling over a strange
note left at the
A
guard found it, and the museum director, wanting to be safe and not sorry,
notified the police.
Gordon
had it analyzed for fingerprints. The
prints were not from anyone in the national crimel database. Could it have dropped out of someone’s pocket
or purse by accident? Did it even have
any connection to the museum? Maybe it
was an invitation for a birdwatching party.
Who knows?
Gordon
didn’t like coincidences. In fact, when
it came to law enforcement he didn’t believe in them. He convinced himself it was no coincidence
that this note arrived a day before the Kuala Mubar treasures were to go on
display.
“Birds
of a feather,” he said slowly. Blackbirds. Eagles. Hummingbirds. Vultures. Mockingbirds. “Penguins!”
He
picked up the phone. “Captain Martin,
bring me the file on the Penguin.”
Another rehearsal.
Penguin and Diana put the Snowbirds through one more practice session. He wished he could fight half as well as these
limber ladies, with their deadly martial arts skills. Plus, they looked so sweet, all blonde and
smiley. No one would ever suspect they could be heartless killers.
“I’ve
been studying the museum’s security operations for months,” he told them. “Bad weather is their Achilles’ heel. In case of storm warnings, their procedure is
to rely on electronic surveillance and limit human security to one guard in the
basement watching everything. They don’t
want guards upstairs where they could be cut by flying
glass or debris. However, come hell or
high water, the Kuala Mubar exhibit on the second floor will have two live
guards outside.
“Hera
and Aurora will be responsible for taking them out. Venus, you kill the guard in the basement and
shut off the electricity. Fortuna will
disable the police alarm connection.
Athena, you assist Diana in swiping the jewels. Let me be clear on one thing. Nobody--I mean, NOBODY--touches the Raven
Diamond but me. You understand?”
“Yes,
Penguin,” they said in unison.
“Oh,
I like the sound of that. You birds have
great harmony.”
“What
about Batman?” Diana asked.
“I’m
so glad you brought him up, dear. Well,
not really, but you know what I mean.
Batman should make an appearance at some point during our little
soiree. Just kill him. Simple. And whichever lucky girl does kill him will
get a bonus from my share of the treasure.”
Diana
turned to face the girls. “Remember how
Batman fights. Strong, quick-strike
moves, coupled with lots of gadgets.
Fight him as though you were fighting yourselves. Plus, you’ll have belts with some gadgets of
your own. Okay,
another personal combat drill.
Let’s go!”
Gordon
intently read everything in the Penguin’s file.
“It’s been so long, I almost forgot about him. History of bird-related
capers. Got Max
Shreck to bankroll his run for mayor.
Presumed drowned three years ago?
Captain, refresh my memory on that one.”
Martin
answered, “I worked the case myself.
After he robbed the armored car company vault, he was taking the money
down the
“Oh, yeah. We never
recovered the body, did we?”
“No, sir. We dragged
the river for two miles on either side of the point where he disappeared. Nothing came up, and no corpse ever floated
ashore.”
“Then
you have to wonder, did he really die, or did he swim somewhere else while we
were looking in the wrong spot?”
“Batman
was certain he saw him go under and never come back up. To be fair, given the Penguin’s physique, he
didn’t look like a competent swimmer.”
“Never
underestimate these master criminals, Captain.
They’re as sneaky and clever as they come.”
“Well
then, like the guys say in Homicide Division, ‘No body, no case.’”
Gordon
closed the file and rubbed his eyes. “I
think we should go with the assumption that Penguin is alive. I also think it’s more than likely he had
something to do with this note left at the museum.”
“What
does it mean?”
“He’s
letting us know two things. One, he’s
back. Two, he’s got his eyes on the
Raven Diamond and the Treasures of Kuala Mubar.”
Martin
looked mystified. “He sure picked a
tough nut for his comeback. The security
on that exhibit is some of the tightest
“With good reason.
Those treasures are worth more than some countries. And their loss would be catastrophic. At best, it would create an international
incident. At worst...well, I don’t want
to think about it.”
“Is
there any way Penguin could even get into the room?”
“He
must think so, or he wouldn’t try. And
that’s what worries me,” Gordon admitted.
“He’s very careful and methodical.
I’m sure he’s studied the museum and its security thoroughly, looking
for some flaw.”
“When
do you think he’ll strike?”
“The
note mentions Saturday.”
“Yeah, but haven’t you heard, sir? There’s a big storm heading our way.”
“Bad
weather, even a blizzard, is no barrier to a criminal mastermind.”
“If he’s so
clever, why would he tell us when he’s going to strike? It seems too obvious. Maybe it’s a red herring.”
“We can’t gamble
on that. He’s probably taunting us. Maybe he believes we can’t stop him,
regardless. Captain, I think it’s time
to call the one man who knows Penguin better than we do.”
Like
frisky teenagers, Bruce and Selina were making out on the sofa in the
library. They were so engrossed in each other, it took nearly a minute to hear Alfred knocking on
the door.
“Maybe
he’ll go away,” she muttered, stroking his hair.
“He
never interrupts me unless it’s vital.”
“That
depends on your definition of vital.”
The
butler continued knocking. “Pardon me,
sir. Are you in there?”
“Yes,
Alfred.”
“The
Batsignal is on, sir.”
Feeling
his passions cool, Bruce mouthed, “Thank you.”
“Ugh,”
she sighed. “Duty calls.”
“Hey,
why don’t you suit up and drive with me?
Dick’s got the flu, so I can use your
help. And, you’ve never ridden in the
car.”
“Aw,
I don’t know. Commissioner Gordon--I’d
feel funny there in his office, and--”
He
silenced her with a kiss. “Catwoman was
pardoned. What better way to prove she’s truly reformed than to show up as Batman’s
assistant? Besides, I’ll get to see your
new suit, and it’s another hour with me.”
She
flashed a seductive smile. “I’ll do
anything with you, darling.”
“This
is a surprise, to say the least.” Gordon watched the duo leaped through his
office window. “Batman
and Catwoman as a team? Never thought I’d see the day.”
Although
nervous, she smiled politely. “I’ve had
a lot of long talks with Batman, Commissioner, and I want to use my expurrtise to fight crime. Especially crimes against
women. See, I was a victim
myself. A man once tried to kill me.”
Gordon
was impressed with her candor and apparent sincerity. “Well, I may need both of you before
long. Look at this.” He handed Batman the invitation. “It was left at the museum today.”
“‘Birds
of a feather flock together.’ Not very original. Any ideas?”
“A blast from the past, Batman. I’d wager my retirement pay the Penguin is
back.”
“He’s
supposed to be dead,” Catwoman gasped.
“They
never found his body,” Batman cautioned.
“I believed I saw him drown, but appearances can deceive.”
She
hissed. “If he is alive, I’ve got a
score or two to settle with that old bird.”
“No
time for revenge, Catwoman. He’s
plotting something big, and we have to find a way to stop him. Batman, what does that note say to you?”
“If
it’s Penguin, it says he’s planning to heist the Raven Diamond on Saturday.”
“That’s
what I thought, too.”
“How stupid. Why
would he tell the police what he’s going to do?” Catwoman asked.
“My
guess is the note was really meant for me,” Batman said.
She
crossed her arms. “He wants you to know?”
“If
I don’t know, I can’t show up.”
“So
it’s a trap?”
“Most
likely,” he said.
“Are
you going to take the bait?”
“Of course.”
“I’m
actually glad you said that.” Gordon
looked out the window. “The weather
service is forecasting a severe winter storm this weekend. I’m going to have to keep a lot more officers
on duty to handle public safety issues like power outages, downed lines,
stranded drivers, and road closings. I
won’t have any extra personnel to watch the museum, and frankly, a break-in is
going to be very low on our response priority list. Can you two cover it for me?”
Catwoman
looked at Batman and nodded. “We’ll be
there.”
On
the ride back home, Batman said, “I was a little concerned about your comment
on settling a score with Penguin.”
“That
user played on my hostility and suckered me into his plan to eliminate
you. And then he had the nerve to try to
kill me!”
“I’ve
already forgiven you for that, Selina.”
“But
I haven’t forgiven him, and I’m not going to.”
She sighed. “I suppose I haven’t
forgiven myself, either.”
“You’re
allowed to. Guilt can be a great
hindrance for a crimefighter.”
“I
still want Penguin to get what he deserves.”
“Happily,
there’s a way to do that and see
justice served. We stop his theft and
send him to prison.”
“I
just hope I get a chance to give him a piece of my mind. Hsshhh!”
Friday
morning’s news report made Penguin smile broadly.
“The
winter storm we’ve been warning you about is expected to intensify Saturday as
it moves into the
“In
other news,
He
shut the TV off. “Marvelous,
absolutely marvelous. Diana,
how’s the van coming?”
“The
machine guns are mounted in the back, and they’re almost through putting on the
snow tires. We’ll load up the equipment
tonight.”
“Did
you get the armor-piercing bullets?”
“One crate.”
“Those
are the only things which might actually penetrate that silly Batmobile.”
“Pengy,
relax. Whether we get him on the road or
at the museum, Batman will be history.”
Bruce
and Selina joined the crowd of early visitors at the museum that
afternoon. Everyone who attended came
away for the exhibit more than impressed.
Arranged
in nine display cases around the room, the multicolored jewels and coins
glimmered. Sitting in the middle case,
the Raven Diamond looked as if it was emitting its own light.
“Can
you imagine how long it took to carve a diamond that size?” Bruce
marveled. “Amazing.”
“Beyond
amazing,” Selina gasped. “Almost...unearthly.”
He
took note of the security. Only one entrance to the room. Good. Armed guard out front and one inside. Also good. No access panels in the ceiling. Check.
“Hello, Bruce, Miss Kyle.”
Mayor Golini extended his hand.
“Mr.
Mayor.”
“Bruce,
I’d like you to meet Ambassador Prakesh from Kuala Mubar.”
“Ambassador,
it’s an honor. My
fiancé, Selina Kyle.”
“Nice to meet both of you.
So, I take it you are enjoying the exhibit?”
“It’s
breathtaking,” she said.
Prakesh
gestured around the room. “This is the
first of what I hope will be many cultural exchanges as a result of our recent
treaty with your country.”
“If
this is any indication, I cannot wait to see what else Kuala Mubar has to
offer.”
“You
are very kind, Mr. Wayne.”
“Is
this your first trip to
“Yes. I was just appointed
ambassador about three months ago, so I have not had time to see much of your
wonderful country. But so far, I am
finding the people of
The
blonde turned around. “Yes, Mr.
Ambassador?”
“I
was just telling Mr. Wayne and Miss Kyle here how delightful it’s been working
with you.”
Smiling,
she said with a notable Scandinavian accent, “I’m Aurora Johansson.”
“
“A pleasure to meet you two.
I hope to see you again before the exhibit ends.”
“You
probably will, Miss Johansson,” Bruce replied.
The
skies opened up late Friday night. By morning it was raining steadily, with temperatures dropping
and winds increasing.
Bruce
and Selina were up early reviewing everything in the Batcave.
“The
museum alarm ties directly to the police dispatcher,” he explained. “I’ve tapped into it on the far right
computer. If the alarm triggers, we’ll
hear a loud beep. There are so many ways
to trip that alarm, it’ll be almost impossible for Penguin to break in without
setting it off.”
“What
if they cut the wire?”
“That’s
one way to trip it. Any interruption in
the circuit, and it goes off. Any break in the laser matrix, and it goes
off. The guard in the basement has a
‘panic button.’ He touches it, and--”
“--the
alarm goes off. Gotcha.”
“Sorry,
dear. Just trying to let you know
everything I know.”
“Really?” She kissed
him. “That could take years.”
“We
need to be ready to suit up, so we can go on a moment’s notice.”
“How
long does it take to get from here to the museum?”
“Five
to ten minutes. I put heavier tires on
the car, so the road conditions shouldn’t be a factor.”
“When
do you think Penguin will strike?”
“Sometime after the museum closes. A daylight attack would be too risky. He wants to snatch the jewels, not hurt people. They’re closing at three due to the storm, so
after that, we sit and wait. And drink a
lot of coffee.”
It rained
continually the rest of the day. By
Penguin’s
van crept to a stop at the rear of the museum.
Dressed in white
skin-tight jumpsuits and fur-lined parkas, Venus and Fortuna climbed out of the
van and trotted down a small stairway to an unmarked basement door. Trying their best to look distraught, they
knocked urgently and yelled, “Help!”
After a minute and
a half passed, the guard inside opened the door a crack. Seeing their drenched, gorgeous blonde faces,
he smiled. “Yes?”
“Our car broke
down, and it’s freezing. Can you please
help us?” Venus asked.
“Come in,
girls. It’s a terrible night to be out.”
They scurried in,
and he quickly closed the door behind them.
“Thank you,”
Fortuna said as they shed their parkas.
“You’re very kind.”
The guard thought
he’d hit the jackpot. All
alone for the night with two stranded babes. “Would you girls--”
Venus whirled
around and kicked him so hard under the chin with her steel-toed boot, his neck
snapped. He was dead before he hit the
ground.
Both girls pulled
tool kits from their belts and hurried to the security panel on the wall. Isolating the proper wires, they got their
cutters. A huge clap of thunder shook
the building. Then everything went dark.
The lights in the
Batcave flickered momentarily and came back on.
“What was that?”
Catwoman asked.
“Lightning
strike. Check the power grid
monitor.”
“Everything’s
red.”
“Citywide
blackout. It must’ve struck the
relay station. We have to get to the
museum fast.”
Venus and Fortuna
stood immobile as the dim emergency backup lights came on.
Diana, Penguin,
and the other girls entered the basement office.
“Looks like
power’s out across the city,” Diana said.
“What a lucky break. Let’s make
the most of it and go on upstairs.”
“This is even
better than I hoped,” Penguin chuckled.
On the second
floor, the treasure guards were watching the weather through the windows. “Man, it’s coming a flood,” the first one
said.
“Glad we’re
inside,” the second one agreed.
Aurora and Hera
walked lazily up the stairs and turned on the charm.
“Miss Johansson,
what are you still doing here?” the first guard asked.
“I was finishing
up some paperwork when the lights went out, Pete. The storm, it’s kinda scary.”
Hera stood next to
the other guard. “And I’m cold.”
“Nothing
to be afraid of, ma’am. It’ll
pass soon enough.”
Hera smiled.
In one fluid
movement,
Wiping her dagger
clean on Pete’s shirt sleeve, she resheathed it and whistled.
Penguin and the
rest of the Snowbirds came up and stood outside the exhibit room.
Athena and Diana
kicked the doors open.
There, before
their eyes, lay the Treasures of Kuala Mubar.
Even in the low emergency light, they sparkled.
“Okay, girls, get
to work,” Diana called. “Venus, you go
guard the basement entrance. Fortuna,
cover the first floor. Aurora and Hera,
you take this floor.”
“Hmm. No Batman yet,” Penguin commented. “I half expected him to be waiting for us.”
When the Batmobile
pulled up, Batman spotted the white van hiding behind the building. “Looks like we’re just in
time.”
The rain changed
to snow with biting wind gusts, so instead of torrential floods, a blizzard and
possible whiteout conditions were in the offing.
Leaving the car,
Batman pulled a homing transmitter from his utility belt and hid it under the
van’s fender. He and Catwoman noted the
basement door was slightly ajar. They
entered cautiously and saw the body of the slain guard.
Venus jumped them from behind the door and
knocked them to the ground.
Batman got to his
feet first and gave her a vicious kick to the chest. Catwoman lashed a hole in her jumpsuit with a
strike from the bullwhip.
Cursing, Venus
pulled a throwing star from her belt and flung it at Batman. Grazing his left cheek, it drew blood and
made him recoil in pain.
Venus leaped at
Catwoman and landed a solid kick to her ribs.
As Catwoman fell,
Batman stepped in front of her and punched Venus in the belly. Grabbing the girl’s willowy hair, he slammed
her face into the door and pushed her to the floor.
Catwoman rebounded
and kicked her chin as she tried to rise.
Grabbing Venus’ head in her hands, she violently twisted her neck, and
it made an audible pop.
Batman frowned as
Catwoman picked up her whip. “Where did
you learn a move like that?”
She gave a
sheepish grin. “Ancient
Chinese secret.”
“Are you alright?”
She grimaced and
massaged her left side. “Might’ve
cracked a rib, but I can still move.”
Looking at his face, she said, “Ooh, darling, you’re bleeding.”
Batman wiped away
the blood with his glove and stared at the dead blonde. “She looks like one of the Snowbirds.”
“Snowbirds?”
“A group of highly
trained assassins and thieves, one of several formed in
“Who?”
“She’s a nightmare
I’d rather forget. I have no idea how
Penguin managed to hook up with the Snowbirds, but if it is them, we are in
over our heads.”
“What do we do?”
“The best we
can. With Dick bedridden and the police
busy elsewhere, there’s no help coming.
You search the first floor. I’ll
go up to the exhibit room. It’s time to
put Penguin on ice.”
The quietness of
the museum was haunting. Catwoman
encountered Fortuna just west of the dormant elevators. The Snowbird charged her and pulled her down
in a solid tackle which demolished several jars of
Navaho pottery. She then punched
Catwoman’s nose and chopped her abdomen.
Extending her
right claws, Catwoman slashed Fortuna’s cheek and rolled upright.
Fortuna felt the
rivulets of blood with her hand.
Enraged, she fired a poison dart, which Catwoman ducked as she sprinted
away. Racing after her foe, she pulled
out a dagger and leaped.
She tried to aim
for Catwoman’s neck, but the nimble feline spun around, caught her in mid-jump,
and threw her into an antique bathtub.
Catwoman looked
around for the main staircase. Since she
was unfamiliar with the museum’s layout, she took a wrong turn and found
herself in a room of dinosaur skeletons.
She saw no other exit and turned to leave.
Fortuna stood in
the doorway, a menacing pair of nunchucks in her hands.
Still hurting from
her injuries, Catwoman struck an aggressive attack stance. “Okay, Blondie, I’m getting tired of you.”
Fortuna ran at
her, flailing away with the nunchaku.
Catwoman deflected
the painful blows from the wooden sticks with her forearms as long as she could
stand it. Finally getting a half-second
break, she kicked Fortuna in the crotch.
Her assailant dropped the nunchaku, so she dashed out of the room and
headed for the stairs at the front of the museum.
Although she ran
as fast as she could, she heard the click-click-click
of boots behind her and knew Fortuna was in hot pursuit.
The Snowbird
pulled a length of piano wire from her belt.
As she caught up to Catwoman, she slipped the wire around her neck like
a lasso and pulled it tight.
Catwoman tried to
get her fingers between the wire and her throat, but she was too slow. She could feel the wire begin to tear into
her skin, and she grew faint from lack of air.
Batman appeared at
the entrance to the exhibit room.
Penguin and the remaining Snowbirds were working fast to remove the
Kuala Mubar treasures and put them in a carrying case for transport.
“Penguin!”
“Long time no see,
Batfreak.”
“The jewelry store
is closed.”
“Can’t you see I’m
busy now? We’ll talk later.”
As Penguin spoke,
Aurora and Hera charged at Batman. He
pushed Hera, who lost her balance and stumbled.
Hera came at him
with her dagger, but a strong kick sent her sprawling.
Unable to breathe,
he grabbed the ends of
Knife still in
hand, Hera stabbed him in the back, but only succeeded in holing his cape
because of his armored suit.
Noting the greater
danger behind him, he let go of
She bounced three
times on the marble steps and hit the landing head first, where she remained
motionless.
Gasping for breath,
Satisfied, she ran
back to the exhibit room to help pack the last of the jewels.
In what might have
been her final conscious moment, Catwoman summoned all her ebbing strength and
elbowed Fortuna’s ample bosom.
The shock made
Fortuna involuntarily release her grip on the piano wire, and Catwoman
collapsed to her knees. Snarling, the
Snowbird kicked her above the right eye.
Catwoman fell and did not move.
Fortuna watched
her strange, black-clad opponent for several seconds. “You fought like one of us,” she muttered,
walking away.
As soon as
Fortuna’s back was to her, Catwoman sprang up and shoved the Snowbird headlong
into a large display of Depression-era china and glassware, which shattered in
a deafening crash. She found the stairs
and ran to the second floor.
Upon arriving, she
saw Batman lying unconscious.
From the exhibit
room, Diana yelled, “Athena! Get her!”
A clatter sounded
behind Catwoman. She glanced back and
saw Fortuna rushing up the stairs.
Frustrated at the seemingly endless parade of shapely blonde assassins,
she blurted, “What is this, attack of the killer bimbos?”
Backflipping
several times, she retreated from the two Snowbirds. When she landed, she uncoiled her whip and
stood ready for attack.
Fortuna was not
about to give up her relentless pursuit.
She palmed a taser from her belt and fired it at the Cat, who darted out
of the way the moment she saw the wicked gun.
Taking aim with
her whip, Catwoman knocked the taser out of Fortuna’s hand and left a stinging
laceration.
Now on his feet
again, Batman ran after Athena, who was setting her sights on his partner.
Fortuna charged
Catwoman, momentarily distracted by the sight of
Batman’s return, and caught her off guard.
Clamping her hands around the Cat’s throat, she pushed her to the edge
of the balcony and slammed her head into the metal railing repeatedly.
Batman flung a
batarang, which slammed into Athena’s lower back and knocked her down.
She stood up and
threw a sphere of knockout gas, but he caught it, pitched it harmlessly down to
the first floor, and sprinted after her.
He grabbed her in a bear hug and threw her into the wall.
Rebounding, the
Snowbird kicked him hard in the chest.
Still slightly woozy, he sailed backward and knocked over a short pillar
and the Iron Age water jug on top of it.
She took a
strange-looking gun from her belt and fired two small silver discs with buzzsaw
blades.
Snatching the iron
container, Batman deflected the discs an instant before they would have struck
his eyes. He rolled to the side as she
took aim again and hurled the big jug at her.
Fortuna was so
intent on ending Catwoman’s life, she didn’t notice the Cat had managed to get
a good grip on her own neck, until she felt her head throb and breathing became
difficult.
With pain wracking
her body, Catwoman squeezed Fortuna’s throat as tightly as her aching hands
could.
Athena knocked the
jug away with a kick, but that gave Batman time to stand up. They slowly circled each other, exchanging
occasional kicks and chops, all the while moving away from the exhibit room.
“You won’t win,”
he intoned.
“You won’t win, Batman. There’s four of us and one of you.” Unzipping a pocket on her leg, she produced a
black rod which expanded into a steel whip.
He uneasily
noticed that the tip contained numerous tiny spikes. “Nice toy.”
She cracked the
whip at a four foot replica of the Sphinx.
Its face shattered into jagged fragments. Recoiling the whip,
she stared at Batman. “How
about a closer look?”
Catwoman tensed
her legs and thrust her knees into Fortuna’s abdomen.
The Snowbird
choked her even harder.
She rammed her
knees in again. And
again.
Even Fortuna had
limits. Catwoman’s third thrust really hurt,
and she reflexively released her grip.
Coughing, gasping,
and near exhaustion, the women eyed each other with a sense of amazement. They were as surprised at each other’s
strength and endurance as they were at their own. Fortuna had never encountered such a tough
opponent, not even in her European training.
Catwoman cracked
her whip. “C’mon, bitch. Is that all you’ve got?”
Tossing her hair
back, Fortuna barreled toward the Cat and gave her a head butt she wouldn’t
soon forget.
Catwoman
immediately regretted the taunt.
Sandwiched between the stone wall and Fortuna’s skull, she doubled over,
yelped in pain, and nearly vomited from the nausea that engulfed her.
Fortuna stood,
arms folded, and smiled. “Want some
more?”
Panting for
breath, Catwoman just looked at her and struggled to stand.
Taking advantage
of the Cat’s weakened state, Fortuna grabbed her
forearms and flung her across the railing.
Batman knew he had
to time everything perfectly, or Athena’s steel “toy” would shred his
Batsuit. A second before he heard the
whip crack, he reached out his right hand and grabbed it just inches behind the
lethal tip. Wrapping it around his arm,
he pulled hard, and Athena came with it.
Before she could
get away, he had her by the wrist. She
pulled, but that only worked in his favor.
Keeping a vise
grip, he swung her around and around like a bolo until they both grew
dizzy. He waited for the right moment, then let her go.
She smashed
through a large window and dropped unceremoniously onto the snow-covered sidewalk.
As Catwoman fell,
she cast her whip, hoping against hope to snag it on the metal railing atop the
balcony wall. Luck was with her, and she
jerked to a stop fifteen feet above an Indian bed of nails. Pain shot through her shoulders, but she hung
on to the whip and began climbing.
Fortuna pulled out
a serrated knife and moved to cut through the whip.
The instant she
saw the Snowbird, Catwoman forced herself to climb
faster. Clambering back over the rail in
seconds, she kicked Fortuna away.
Out of weapons at
last, the Snowbird ran to get help from the girls in the exhibit room.
Before she got
halfway there, Batman stepped out of the shadows and blocked her path.
She saw it was now
two against one. Hand-to-hand always was
her strong suit. She attacked Batman
with a series of jujitsu moves, but he deflected every jab and blow.
Catwoman came up
behind her and made a leaping kick. The
heels of her boots dug into the Snowbird’s back.
The momentum of
the kick sent Fortuna into Batman, who hit her with a chop to the neck and a
blow to the belly.
Fortuna backed up
and tried a side kick at Catwoman, but missed.
Catwoman punched
her in the jaw.
She backed up
again until she was against the balcony wall.
Clicking her feet together, she activated a spring-loaded knife blade in
the sole of her left boot. She kicked
fast and drew blood from Catwoman’s shin.
Turning to Batman,
she kicked him below the belt.
He hardly felt the
blow but managed to grab her foot with both hands. He lifted it higher and higher into the air.
She was limber
enough for him to get her leg almost over her head. As he got closer, she kicked him with her
right. He pulled back and let go.
With both feet off
the ground, she tumbled over the railing and emitted a horrible scream as she
landed on the bed of nails below.
Catwoman
embraced Batman. “I must have more than
nine lives, darling.”
He
saw how she was bruised, bleeding and battered and held her tightly. “Can you go on?”
“I’ve
got no choice. You need me.” She kissed him. “Do you know how badly I want to make love to
you?”
He
felt the same as he eyed the way her new suit showcased
her substantial cleavage. But their work
was not over yet. “It’ll have to
wait. Look.”
Penguin,
Diana, and
“Where
are we going?” Diana asked.
Penguin
answered, “There’s a stairway at the back that leads to the solarium on the
roof. We can go down from there.”
Batman
and Catwoman raced after them.
When
Penguin opened the roof access door, he and the Snowbirds were
greeted by a full blizzard. The
bitterly cold wind stung their faces, and the fog of snow limited visibility.
Penguin
handed the case of jewels to Diana. “Get
these to the van. We can hold off Batman
until you’re ready to go.”
Batman
stepped out onto the roof and calmly walked toward Penguin. “It’s over now. Give me the treasures.”
Penguin
smiled and lifted his hands. “What
treasures?”
Batman
spotted Diana heading for the far end of the roof. He decided to ignore Penguin and go after
her.
“Not
so fast.” Penguin pointed his umbrella
at Batman. “We need to talk.”
Batman
walked on as if he weren’t there.
Penguin
fired a warning shot from the umbrella, which held a concealed gun. The bullet whizzed past Batman’s left
ear. “I said, we need
to talk!”
“So
talk.”
“No,
you talk. I’ll ask the questions.”
Diana
reached the back ledge. Pulling a hook
from her utility belt, she clasped it to a ventilation grate and threw a length
of rope down to the ground. She secured
the jewel case to her line, leaped off the building, and rappelled down the
back, reaching the ground in five seconds.
She disconnected everything and carried the jewels to the van.
Catwoman
followed Batman out on the roof. She
spotted Aurora, who was running interference for Diana on the east side.
The
Cat sighed. “Here we go again.”
“Question
one,” Penguin called. “Three years ago,
you left me to drown in the
“I
didn’t leave you to drown. I tied the
batarang line to the dock and tried to reel you in.”
“You
pulled me into the river and left me there.”
“The
line broke, Penguin. You were a lot
heavier than I counted on. Still are, it
looks like.”
“Then
why didn’t you do something after it broke?”
“I
didn’t have anything else to help you with.
Besides, the police were on their way.
I figured you could float until they fished you out.”
“I
fished myself out, thank you very much.
And for three years I’ve worked, waiting for
the right moment to get my revenge. The
future is now, Batman!” He raised his
umbrella and fired again.
The
freezing cold was a blessing to Catwoman.
It numbed her to the pain from all her injuries and energized her for
the fight. Unfazed, she got up. “Okay, now I’m really pissed off!”
Batman
deflected Penguin’s shot with his cape.
“Three years, wasted on plotting revenge. You could have taken up a new hobby in that
time.”
“Oh,
I have. I collect gemstones. And bird-shaped diamonds.”
“And attractive cohorts to do your dirty work. I’m very curious, how did you and the
Snowbirds team up?”
Penguin
just laughed. “Birds of a feather flock
together!”
Catwoman
backflipped to
As
Catwoman
dropped and rolled, and the shot shattered a glass panel on the solarium. She opened her claws and quickly scaled a
high, slanted section of the copper roof.
Reaching the peak, she slid down the other side and landed on her feet,
albeit clumsily, right behind Batman.
“Well,
well, well,” Penguin said with delight.
“Look who dragged in the Cat.
It’s been quite a while, Puss-N-Boots, but your timing is splendid.”
“Forget
it, Pengy. I switched sides.”
“You’re
working with Batbrain now? What a
shame. You showed so much promise as a
criminal.”
“You
used me! You manipulated my feelings
about Batman to get me involved in your plot to take out
“You
were the one who came to me! Look in the
mirror if you want to be mad at someone.”
“Ooh!” She hastily made a snowball and threw it at
him.
He
brushed the snow off his coat. “Is that
the best you can do? Might
as well try a ball of yarn next time, Kitty.”
Diana
honked the van horn.
“That’s
my signal to go,” said Penguin. “Adios, amigos!”
Batman
scooted to block his way. “There’s been
a change in your travel plans. You’re
making an unscheduled stop at the jail.”
He smacked him in the nose.
If you’ve got ‘em, use ‘em, Catwoman thought. She extended all her claws and slashed twice
across
Crying
out and writhing in pain,
Penguin
dropped his umbrella as he fell from Batman’s sharp punch. He got up and tried to head butt Batman but
only succeeded in giving himself a headache.
“I keep forgetting about that damn armor,” he mumbled.
Batman
pushed him down again.
Penguin
somersaulted back, picked up his umbrella, and opened it. “Enough of this!” He pressed a button on the handle, and it
became a personal helicopter, lifting him into the frigid wind. “Got a date with a diamond! Until next time, Batman.”
Everything
seemed to move in slow motion for Catwoman.
The bullet struck her right shoulder.
She held it and watched the blood ooze through her fingers as pain
spread from the wound. A wave of fatigue
overwhelmed her, and her legs felt like rubber.
She had no strength to resist and barely noticed when
She
had the sensation of falling and recalled the night Max Shreck pushed her out
his office window. Is this a dream? Her descent was comforting, so quiet and
peaceful. Until her
bone-jarring impact with the snowy ground.
Batman
saw none of this, as his attention was focused on
Penguin. He prepared to pursue his
nemesis, but
He
experienced a moment of déjà vu as she produced a steel whip identical to Athena’s. “Nice toy.”
With
a fast strike, she ripped one edge of his cape to ribbons. “Isn’t it, though?”
“Better
put that thing down. Someone could get
hurt.”
“Someone like you?”
She aimed for his face.
He
ducked just in time to avoid being blinded, but the
jagged steel points ripped a gash in his cowl and scalp.
“You’re
better than your friend back there.”
She
gave him a flirtatious smile. “I’m
better at a lot of things.”
As
he moved closer, he recognized her, despite the red scars crisscrossing her
face. “You’re
“They
told us Batman is smart. So you
are.” She cracked the whip again,
slicing his thigh.
“I’m
also fast.” He charged at her, snatched
the whip away, and threw it off the roof.
“Indeed.” Calmly opening a pocket, she moved around him
and extracted her gleaming dagger. “I
guess I’ll have to make my point another way.”
He
lifted his gloves in anticipation of her attack.
She
jumped forward and stabbed his chest. To
her consternation, the sharp blade could not penetrate his body armor. Spinning around, she tried again and went for
his throat.
He
blocked her thrust with his left arm, but she still managed to cut the side of
his neck and draw blood.
She
stepped back and stared at him. He
looked familiar, too. “I’ve seen you
before, haven’t I?”
“Maybe in your nightmares.”
“No,
I have seen you.” She wagged the knife. “Yesterday, at the exhibit
opening, right?”
He
made no reply.
“You
were one of the guests. Ah, but which one?
What was the name?”
He
tried to grab the knife.
“Ooh,
you almost had me. Need to keep my mind
on my work.” She jabbed at his face.
He
stepped back slowly, and his boot heels hit something. As he took another step, his senses told him
he was moving up an incline.
She
followed, slashing and stabbing at him several times. She nicked his forearms, but his gauntlets
offered enough protection so that she never scored a serious cut.
As
he reached the top of the incline, he saw in his peripheral vision that he now
stood on the roof’s ledge. She moved
with him but never took her eyes off his face.
He
could tell she was unaware of her proximity to the edge, and he fought the
instinct to look down so as not to give away his advantage. “What’s a nice girl like you doing in the
Snowbirds?”
“Money. Travel. And killing
men like you.” Her knife ripped a hole
in his cape as it fluttered like a flag in the north wind. Brushing the hair from her eyes, she lunged
at him again but missed.
He
shifted his feet to steady himself against the breeze. “There’s better ways to make a living.”
“Not
as much fun.” She took one more step and
slipped on an icy patch. Looking down in
a panic, she struggled to regain her balance.
A gust caught her and knocked her off the ledge.
Batman
reached out to grab her arm as she screamed, but she was too far away. He could only stare as she plunged to the
ground below.
The
snow softened her fall, but it did not matter.
She landed on her dagger, and a red stain spread across the snow.
Seeing
their last cohort fall to her death, Penguin and Diana waited no longer. She put the van in gear and sped off,
fishtailing on the slick street.
As
Batman watched them leave, he saw Catwoman lying still in the snow about thirty
yards from
“Is
he behind us?” Penguin asked.
“Honey,
there’s nobody behind us,” Diana answered.
“Then
slow down! Now that I have the jewels, I
want to be around to enjoy them.”
This time it wasn’t a group of felines who revived Catwoman. The tender touch of Batman’s glove on her
cheek awakened her. As she opened her
eyes and saw his masked face, she smiled.
“Am I...alive?”
“Without a doubt.” He
helped her sit up and examined the wound in her shoulder. “The bleeding has stopped. Can you walk?”
“I
think so.” She staggered to her feet
unsteadily. “That was actually a nice
nap.”
He
took a small capsule from his utility belt and put it in her mouth. “This will help the pain. How do you feel?” He guided her slowly toward the Batmobile.
“Like I’ve been beaten up by a gorilla. Oww! Make that two
gorillas.” She gazed at him and noticed
all the rips, cuts, and dried blood.
“You don’t look so hot, either.”
“I’ve
had it worse. Penguin escaped.”
“Then
let’s go after him!”
“Selina,
you need a doctor.”
“I
didn’t get my butt kicked by those kung fu Barbies just to let him make off
with the jewels.”
“Are
you sure you can wait for help?”
“Darling,
if he gets away, then I just got the crap beat out of me for nothing. You, too.”
“Okay.”
“Can
you catch up to him?”
He
started the Batmobile’s turbine. “Not a
problem. Hop in.”
The
new tires he’d put on the Batmobile gave fantastic traction on the icy
roads. The car sped through
He
easily picked up the signal from the homing transmitter he placed on Penguin’s
van. “It looks like they’re heading out
of town. If we stay on
She
massaged her aching shoulder. “How much
damage did we do to the museum?”
“A lot, probably two million dollars’ worth.”
“Even
though it’s Penguin’s fault, should we do something to help?”
“When
he hears about it, Bruce Wayne will feel moved to make a big donation.”
“How big?”
“Oh,
say, two million dollars.”
“Haven’t
you ever driven on snow and ice before?” Penguin groused.
“Yes, why?”
“Because you’re still going too fast!”
Diana
glanced in the rear view mirror.
“Speaking of fast, there’s some nut coming behind me with no
headlights. He’s going to run up the
tailpipe!”
Penguin
rolled down the window only to get a face full of blizzard. Looking back, he yelled, “That’s Batman!”
“How
did he find us?”
“Who
cares? If your girls had taken him out,
he wouldn’t be back there.”
“My
girls did their best. You didn’t tell me
that--that Catwoman was going to be there. She was one nasty bitch.”
“Tell
me about it,” he sighed.
The
Batmobile stayed steadily behind the van.
Diana tried to evade with some amateurish turns and lane changes which accomplished nothing except jostling Penguin
around and irritating him further.
The
roads were all but deserted, ensuring at least that no
bystanders would be hurt. The nonstop
snow cut visibility to near zero, a factor very significant for the van, less
so for the Batmobile.
On
a stretch of highway just inside the city limits, Batman clicked a button and
launched two small missiles which streaked ahead of
the van and exploded in the road.
Diana
veered sharply to the right to dodge the blasts and almost went off into a
ditch.
“Be
careful!”
“He’s
shooting at us!”
“Shoot
back.”
“With
what? We lost all the girls, so
there’s nobody to man the guns.”
“Just get us to
the warehouse.” Penguin clutched the
case of jewels tightly as the van sped on.
Two slots opened
in the front of the Batmobile. Batman
flicked a switch and fired two tiny razor discs at the van. One hit the exhaust pipe. The other found its mark, and the left rear
tire blew out.
“What was that?”
Penguin asked with alarm.
“Blowout! Aiiieee!”
Diana lost control
of the van, and it slammed into an embankment.
Penguin’s door flew open, flinging him and his precious jewelry case
into a snowbank.
The van plowed
through the embankment and rolled over several times before erupting in flames
at the bottom of a hill. The ammunition
on board detonated, leaving a smoking, black crater.
Batman pulled over
and jumped out of the car. He ran to
Penguin and extracted him from of the snow.
“As I told you earlier, it’s over.”
“Yeah.” A sad expression on his face, Penguin watched
the wreck of the van burn. “There’s no
way she could’ve survived is there?”
Batman shook his
head.
“Good girls are so
hard to come by.”
“At least the
jewels didn’t get incinerated.”
“The
jewels!” Penguin frantically
searched for the case.
“You mean
these?” Catwoman said as she opened the
titanium box.
“Let me see! Let me see!”
Batman slipped a
pair of handcuffs on him. “Take it easy,
Penguin.”
“They look fine,”
she said. “Especially
this one.” She held up the Raven Diamond.
At that moment,
the power came back on in
“Ooh,
baby!” Penguin moaned.
“Three guards
dead, millions in damage to the museum, and a trip to jail. Was it worth it?” Batman asked.
Penguin looked
down. “Yeah.”
“All
that death and destruction, just to hold it in your grubby hands for a few
minutes?”
“Like the fellow
once said, ‘It’s the stuff that dreams are made of.’”
The winter storm
abated by Sunday afternoon, but gray skies provided a suitably gloomy backdrop
for the police as they gathered evidence and bodies from the museum.
Bruce and Selina
spent the day in bed recovering from their exhausting ordeal.
As he had done
many times before, Alfred enlisted the help of Dr. Leslie Tompkins, a friend of
Bruce’s parents and one of the few who knew his secret, to treat his boss’
various injuries. She was surprised to
learn she now had two patients, both with dual identities.
“Batman marrying
Catwoman,” the doctor shook her head with a chuckle. “Will wonders never cease? Bruce, when it comes to your life, I’ve found
the best strategy is ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’”
“Thanks for
coming, Leslie. I know you’re busy with
the
“You’re part of my
job, Bruce. Obviously, she can’t go to
the hospital looking like this. The
media would string you up for domestic abuse in a heartbeat.”
“Sad,
but true.”
“Now, Miss Kyle,
if you’ll--”
“Please, call me
Selina.”
“Selina, if you’ll
lie back and relax your arm, I’ll stitch up your shoulder. You’re quite lucky the bullet fell out
already.”
She said, “I think
somebody signed me up for nine more lives.”
Bruce
grinned. “Or you had more than that to
begin with.”
“Either way, I
have got to take it easy for a while.”
“Me, too,” he
said, touching the cut in his scalp.
“Well, this solves
one more mystery. I knew Alfred wasn’t a
doctor, so I always wondered how you got patched up so professionally.”
Tompkins
smiled. “I’ve been saving Bruce’s life
for as long as he’s been Batman.”
He turned to Selina. “I’ve got more Batsuits, but your catsuit is
pretty well trashed.”
“Yeah, and I’m mad
since I just made it. But I have backups
too, darling. Nine lives, nine outfits.”
Monday afternoon,
the lovebirds sat in the drawing room warming their aching bodies by the
fireplace when Alfred came in with a stack of envelopes.
“Mail,
sir. Cards and letters of
congratulations on your upcoming nuptials continue to arrive.”
“Thank you.” He scanned the return addresses. “Wow, some are from old girlfriends I haven’t
seen in years. Here’s one from Vicky
Vale.”
“Let me see.” She took the letters, sorted out the ones
from women, and tossed them into the fireplace.
“Selina! What’d you do that for?”
With a juicy kiss,
she said, “No need for old flames when you have a four-alarm blaze right here.”
“You make an
excellent point.”
“I usually
do. Meow!”